Where There's Smoke

Alex didn’t look up when she entered. He was alone at the table, his face full of shadows in the candlelight. His expression was lost and faraway as he regarded the small piece of fire swaying from the candle nearest him. Kate hung back as he passed his finger through the yellow dip, halted, then steadily passed it back. The flame fluttered with each passage, leaning towards his finger as though trying to catch it.

Kate moved towards the table. “Doesn’t that hurt?”

Alex’s eyes were wide and startled as his head came up. “What?”

“Running your finger through the flame like that. Doesn’t it hurt?”

He stared at his finger and the candle as though he had only just noticed them. “Uh, no, not really.”

Kate sat down. “It must burn, though, surely?”

He looked back into the flame. “Only if you let it.” He smiled at her. “Try it.”

Kate laughed and shook her head. “No, thanks.”

“It doesn’t hurt. Not if you’re fast enough, and don’t go too close to the wick.”

She gave him a sceptical look. “Honest. It won’t burn if you do it right.”

They were staring at each other over the candle. Tentatively, Kate held out her finger until it was only a few inches away from the flame. “No,” she said, with a laugh, snatching it back.

“Come on. Trust me.”

She looked at him and extended her finger again. A slim line of smoke rose from the flame. She could feel the heat against her skin. Her finger quivered. From the hallway came the sound of Lucy returning with the coffee. Kate quickly drew back her hand, feeling both relieved and cowardly. “I’ll take your word for it.”

They shared a taxi home. Alex insisted on dropping off Kate first, assuring her that it was quicker that way. After a second’s hesitation, she accepted. She hadn’t planned on letting him know her address but, since he’d just been to Lucy and Jack’s, that seemed petty and pointless. They sat next to each other on the back seat. To begin with, they talked easily enough. Alex seemed almost garrulous when she asked him about where he lived, explaining how he was in temporary accommodation after being caught up in a chain of house buyers. After exchanging contracts with the couple who were buying his flat, the people whose house he was supposed to be buying had withdrawn theirs from the market. “I’d got three days to find somewhere else before the new owners moved into mine,” he told her. “So now most of my stuff’s in storage, and I’m stuck renting a studio flat until I can find somewhere else.”

“Have you seen anywhere yet?”

“Uh, no, not really. I don’t have much time to look. You know how it is.”

His self-consciousness had returned. “Well, at least nobody’ll know where to find you out of hours,” Kate said, lightly, wanting to draw him out again. Alex looked confused. “Patients, I mean,” she explained, feeling stupid. “I’d have thought being a psychologist was like a doctor, always getting people pestering you at home. Now you’ve moved, though, and gone ex-directory as well, I don’t expect they’ll be able to.”

She was beginning to wish she hadn’t started. But Alex’s frown cleared. “Oh... no, I suppose not.”

They lapsed into silence. Their isolation in the dark intimacy of the cab began to impose an awkwardness on them both. In the confined space, Kate could make out the clean, alcohol tang of Alex’s aftershave. Paul had always drenched himself in the stuff, as though the reek of it declared his masculinity. Alex’s was more subtle. She liked it. The taxi lurched round a bend, throwing her against him. Kate reached out to steady herself, and put her hand on his thigh. She jerked it away and straightened, stammering an apology. Her face was hot as she stared fixedly out of the window. Beside her, she sensed that Alex was equally tense. The air between them seemed charged with awareness, so that the slightest movement was magnified. She slid down the window, letting the breeze splash onto her face, and breathed deeply. Too much wine. “Is it too windy for you?” she asked Alex.

“No, it’s fine.”

There had been no mention of the reason they were together. Alex hadn’t pushed her for a decision, for which she was glad. They might almost have been out on a date, in fact. Kate quickly put that notion out of her head.

“I hope tonight hasn’t been too much of an ordeal,” she said.

“Not at all. I’ve enjoyed it.”

She nearly said, So have i, but stopped herself. She glanced at the taxi driver. He probably couldn’t hear through the glass partition, but she lowered her voice anyway. “I don’t want you to feel you’ve been on trial, or anything.”

“It’s okay, really.” He smiled. “I liked them. They’re a nice family.”

They were approaching Kate’s road. “The next corner, please,” she told the driver. She turned back to Alex, lowering her voice again. “Look, I appreciate how patient you’ve been, and I don’t want to mess you about, but... Well, will it be all right if I let you know in a few days? About what I decide?”

He nodded, quickly. “Yes, no problem.”