Where There's Smoke

He was silent for a moment. “I’d tell my grandmother, if she was still alive. She’d be pleased. No one else, though.”

Kate saw a small piece of twig caught in his hair. She almost reached out and removed it before she stopped herself. “Were you very close?”

Alex nodded, absently. Then he looked at her, concerned. “Not that I’m not close to my parents as well. I don’t want to give that impression. It’s just that my grandmother was...” He was self-conscious now. “Well, she was special.”

Another taxi was approaching the clinic. This time they watched until it indicated and pulled to a stop.

“I think this one’s ours,” said Kate.

They were quiet for most of the journey back to London. Alex sat opposite her, staring out of the window, swaying slightly with the movement of the train. His eyes were sleepy, half-lidded against the sunlight angling into his face through the glass. He looked vulnerable, Kate thought, much younger than the thirty-four she knew him to be.

A sudden lurch roused him. He turned and caught her staring before she could look away. She smiled.

“There’s a piece of twig stuck in your hair,” she said. He looked bewildered. She pointed. “You’ve got a twig caught in your hair.”

“Oh. Right.”

He pulled it out. “Thanks.”

He looked around for somewhere to put it. She could see him considering the seat, the table and the floor before he dropped it in his pocket. “No bin,” he explained, with an embarrassed smile.

Kate hid her amusement by searching in her bag. She pulled out a white envelope and passed it across to him.

“There’s a cheque in there for your expenses,” she said. “I’ve based it on train fares for fifteen visits to start with, plus taxis to and from both stations.”

Alex held the envelope without opening it.

“If you want to work out how much you think I’ll owe you for your time, I’ll be happy to pay that in advance as well,” she offered, seeing his expression.

“No! I didn’t mean...”

He hurriedly put the envelope down on the table. “I told you, I don’t want paying for this.”

“I don’t expect you to do it for nothing.”

He shook his head. “I can’t take money from you.”

“In that case we’d better forget about the whole thing.”

She had meant it lightly, but Alex looked as though she had slapped him. “It’s only your travel expenses,” she said, smiling to show she hadn’t been serious. “We can discuss a fee later, if you like. But I can’t let you be out of pocket.”

She pushed the envelope across the table towards him. “Now, please, no arguments. I insist.”

He was clearly unhappy, but after a second he picked it up. “Okay. If you’re sure.”

He put the envelope in his pocket, still unopened. Kate glanced out of the window. “We’ll be at Euston in a few minutes.”

She cleared her throat. “Look, I don’t quite know what to say, but... well, I really am grateful for what you’re doing. Thank you.”

Alex kept his head averted. “I’m glad to do it.”

Kate hid her embarrassment behind a no-nonsense tone. “All the same, I really appreciate it. And I’ll find out from the clinic how many extra visits you have to make, and send you a cheque.”

He looked up, sharply. “Aren’t we... I mean, won’t I see you again?”

“I don’t think there’s any point.”

She was unprepared for how blunt that sounded. “If there are any problems, or anything you want to ask, you can always ring me. You’ve got my number. But I don’t expect there will be. And the clinic’ll keep me notified with how things are going.”

“Oh... yes, I suppose... yes, you’re right.”

They didn’t speak again for the rest of the journey. When the train pulled into the shadow of the station, they avoided looking at each other as they left their seats and filed out of the carriage with the rest of the passengers. The platform was hot and airless. Kate turned and held out her hand. “Well. Thanks again.”

Alex took it. His palm was hot and dry, and she remembered the other occasion on which she had shaken it, outside the restaurant the first time she had met him. She pushed the memory to one side. His blue eyes were troubled as he looked at her. He seemed about to say something, but then he dropped his gaze. “Bye.”

Kate let go of his hand with a last polite smile, and set off down the platform. She wished she had waited until they had reached the concourse to say goodbye, because now they both had to walk in the same direction anyway. But there was no sound of his footsteps following hers. She told herself it was the claustrophobia of the busy platform and the diesel fumes that suddenly seemed depressing, and determinedly walked faster.

She heard someone running only a second before the shout.

“Kate!” She turned around. Alex slowed as he reached her, and the urgency on his face gave way to confusion.

“Look, I was just wondering...” he began, breathlessly, “I mean, if not, it’s okay, but...” He seemed to gather himself. “Well, I–I just wondered if you wanted to go for a — a drink some time?”