Will You Love Me in September

So it was settled, and Sabrina's nurse, Nanny Curlew, recommended a cousin of hers whom we were glad to employ. Thus Nanny Goswell came to us and immediately took over the care of the child with the utmost efficiency.

The summer came and we had no desire to return to London. When the baby was old enough we would take him to Eversleigh. I wrote frequently to Damaris to tell her of all that was happening, and I began to realize that my letters were full of Jean-Louis.

Damaris wrote back, "It is time you had a child of your own.”

It was what I longed for; so did Lance, I knew.

Aimee and I rode together during that hot summer. She had learned to ride at Hessenfield and was not quite as proficient as I, who had been in and out of the saddle ever since my return to England.

Aimee had an air of contentment about her during that summer, which every now and then would slip into a certain ... what I can only describe as watchfulness.

When we talked I began to understand her more.

She had suffered from being unwanted, I was sure. I imagined her birth had not greatly pleased either of her parents. Hessenfield's life would have been cluttered with women-some more important to him than others. I had no doubt that my mother- the incomparable Carlotta, whose beauty was a legend in the family-had been the most important woman in his life, one whom he had told his brother he would have married if she had been free. Aimee's mother could not have been so important to him, for I imagined he could easily have married her if he had wished to do so. But he had been fond of children, particularly his own, and he had clearly wanted to provide for Aimee.

Of course a man like Hessenfield could never visualize death. He was, after all, a young man. But at the end he must have had some premonition, and that was why he had written to his brother asking him to provide for Aimee and had given her mother the watch and the ring.

There must have been great insecurity in Aimee's life. I sensed that what she greatly desired was to be wanted, to have security for herself and her child.

She more or less admitted this when we lay in a field a mile or so from Clavering Hall. Our horses were tethered to a tree while we rested before returning to Clavering.

"I married Ralph Ransome," she said, "partly because I wanted a home and someone to care for me. I was never really in love with him. But he was kind to me. He was a widower and had a son and daughter who were married and lived in the Midlands.

I had our father's money, so I was not destitute, but this seemed a wonderful opportunity.

Ralph had a beautiful home and I became mistress of it. But I realized after our marriage that he was deeply in debt, and there were anxieties. Then, when this South Sea chance presented itself, Ralph risked almost everything he had to gain a fortune which would bring him out of his difficulties. We could have been happy ..." She looked at me intently. "Not romantically so ... as you and Lance must have been .

. . but comfortably ... adequate for a girl who has not had many advantages in life.”

She picked a blade of grass and tore at it with her white, even teeth.

"Oh, you are the lucky one, ma soeur," she went on. "You are rich. You have the handsome husband. You are one of the few who escaped before the Bubble burst.”

"And you have Jean-Louis," I reminded her. That adorable one, yes, it is so. I have my baby. But you have too ... they all have him." 'Everyone loves him, but you are his mother, Aimee.”

She touched my hand. "Yes, and thanks to you he has come comfortably into the world.

But I cannot live here forever. I shall have to think what I am going to do. What does a woman in my position do when she is without the means to support herself and her child? Teach French, perhaps ... to children who do not want to learn it? Be a superior servant in some noble household?”

"Nonsense," I said. "This is your home. You will stay here.”

"I cannot live on your bounty forever.”

"You will stay here because your home is with your family. Have you forgotten we are sisters?”

"Half sisters. No, I must make plans.”

"Perhaps you will meet someone whom you can marry. We will entertain more. There are so many people here in the country whom Lance knows.”

"The marriage market?" she said, with a glint in her eyes which I did not altogether understand. When I came to think of it, there was much I did not understand about Aimee.

"That's putting it crudely. But people do meet each other and fall in love.”

She looked at me and smiled, and I thought, I will speak to Lance about it tonight.

We must entertain more. I had the money to do this. I must try to find a husband for Aimee.

We stood up, stretched, and went to the horses. It was a silent ride back to the house.

I spoke to Lance about Aimee that night.

"The poor girl is unhappy about her position. It is worrying for her. She is proud and deeply conscious of depending on us. If we entertained here in the country we might find a husband for her.”