Will You Love Me in September

Now that Enderby was no longer my home I could see clearly what people meant when they said there was a certain foreboding about it. Whether this was due to long-ago tragedies which had happened in the house or whether it was just the way it was built, without enough light coming in and because the magnificent trees grew too close to it and darkened it even more, I did not know. But there was a kind of menace there which I noticed before the tragedy.

When we arrived great log fires were burning in all the rooms, and Damaris had had the place decorated as usual for Christmas, which dispersed most of the gloom . .

. and yet it was there all the same.

I spent a great deal of time with Sabrina, who insisted on it. She had formed a deep attachment to me and looked upon me as her elder sister, which was natural, as Damaris had been a mother to me. She proudly showed me all her presents. There was pride of place for the skates, and next came the fur muff, which her mother had given her; and then there was my gift-a saddle for her pony, which I had heard she wanted. She gloated over them all and kept running to the window to see whether it was still snowing, and she asked Jeremy a hundred times a day whether the pond was hard enough yet to skate on.

She did not like Aimee, which I think was due to the fact that she was Jean-Louis' mother. She referred to him as "that silly baby.”

"You were a baby once," I reminded her.

"I soon grew out of that," she answered scornfully.

"So will he.”

"Well, he's a silly baby now.”

Damaris was always trying to remonstrate with her. "You are too impatient, Sabrina,”

she said. "Remember, there are other people in the world besides you.”

"I know that," retorted Sabrina.

"Well, they have to be considered.”

"Everybody considers that baby more than ...”

"Of course they do. He's only little. They consider other people too.”

Sabrina muttered, "It's stopped snowing. Papa says it'll freeze up, and perhaps tomorrow....”

She was off to consult Jeremy on the temperature. "Sabrina worries me a little," Damaris confided in me. "She's so impulsive and self-centered.”

"All children are.”

"Sabrina more than most. It's strange that Jeremy and I should have such a daughter.

She reminds me of your mother. I do hope she will be happy. I don't think your mother ever was ... with all her gifts. Sometimes I tremble for Sabrina.”

"You worry too much. Sabrina is all right. She is just a normal, healthy child, full of high spirits.”

"You are fond of her, aren't you, Clarissa?”

"Of course. She is like my little sister.”

"You have a new sister." She looked at me anxiously. "You get on well with Aimee, don't you?”

"Yes, of course.”

Damaris looked sad. "I often think how much better it would have been if your mother had stayed with Benjie. He was, after all, her husband ... and such a good man.

Still, he is happy now. But if your mother had stayed with him, she might have been alive today.”

"It is no use talking about ifs. It didn't work out that way and so things are as they are today.”

"You'd always look after Sabrina, wouldn't you?”

"Of course I would. But she'll be here with you. You'll be the one to look after her.”

"Yes, unless ..." She smiled suddenly. "I have something to tell you, Clarissa.

I am going to have another child.”

"Oh ... how happy you must be.”

"Yes ... yes, of course. We had Sabrina at last .... and it is wonderful how full of life she is. Sometimes I wonder how Jeremy and I could have such a child. I look forward to another. Jeremy is so pleased. I should like a little boy this time.”

"But you will be highly contented with whatever comes.”

"Clarissa, it would be wonderful if you ...”

"Yes, I know. I suppose I shall have a child one day.”

"I do hope so. It is a great joy, but ...”

I looked at her expectantly, and she went on, "I hope it all goes well. Sometimes ...”

"Of course it will go well. You are in good health now.”

"Yes, but there are times ...”

I shrugged her gloom aside. Naturally she was a little uneasy at the prospect of another pregnancy. She had caught Jeremy's habit of looking on the dark side. I supposed it was because of what had happened to them.

By Twelfth Night the pond was frozen hard, and to Sabrina's delight, those of us who wished went skating. Jeremy was there with Lance and myself. The others watched from the bank. Sabrina shrieked with delight, and she looked a picture in her scarlet cloak and hat, clutching the fur muff in her hands and skating over the pond with her father beside her. The color in her cheeks matched that of her cloak, and her eyes sparkled. This was what she had been waiting for.

She was disappointed when darkness fell and we went back to the house.

"The pond will still be frozen tomorrow," prophesied her father, and Sabrina cried out, "How I wish it was tomorrow.”

She was up with her skates the next morning, badgering us all to go skating.

On the third day, with the unpredictability of the English climate, it was a little warmer.