Will You Love Me in September

"She is a delightful child ... and very attractive.”

"Yes, that is why I am afraid for her. Your mother was like that. She had that tremendous appeal. It turns up now and then in the family. I am not sure that it is an asset. Sometimes I think it is a liability. I worry about Sabrina, Clarissa.”

"She will be able to take care of herself.”

"She has been so strange lately.”

"It is because she blames herself for what happened, and Jeremy blames her too.”

"I have spoken to Jeremy about her. He worries so much about me.”

"Dear Aunt Damaris, you must get well. You are Jeremy's life, and Sabrina 'needs you. You are so much ... wanted.”

She was emotional for a moment and then she said, "Clarissa, will you promise me something? You did once before, but I want to make sure.”

"Of course I will. It's Sabrina, isn't it?”

She nodded. "Just suppose I didn't get well.”

"Please don't think like that, even for a moment.”

"I'm trying, Clarissa, but I want to be sure. Just suppose something should happen to me. Suppose I should die. Promise me you will look after Sabrina.”

"Her place would be here. This is her home.”

"Jeremy is a man who has suffered much. I cannot bear to think what he would do ...

if I were to die.”

"I understand," I said.

"Promise me then that you will look after Sabrina. She loves you dearly ... in fact, I think she loves you better than anyone else. Look after her ... for me, Clarissa.”

I took her hand and kissed it. I was afraid if I looked at her I should weep.

"I promise," I said.

A few days later, after listening to loud protests and reproaches from Sabrina, I left for London.

Back in London, life slipped back into the old pattern. We entertained a good deal now. Lance was elated. He had had a run of luck at the tables and with the horses.

He was a devoted husband and a passionate lover and made me feel in a hundred ways how delighted he was to have me back. I felt happy. Damaris was improving; she would comfort Sabrina, and without me there the two of them would grow closer. And this was where I belonged-with my husband.

Aimee was settling into the household as though it were indeed her home. I was glad, though I knew that Jeanne remained suspicious. Aimee told me about the hospitality she-with Lance-had received during my absence and that now and then she had acted as hostess for Lance. They had had a most exciting time.

"Gambling?" I asked.

Lance burst out laughing.

"Now, don't scold, Clarissa," he said. "I had some very good nights. You didn't do too badly either, Aimee, did you?”

They laughed together. A tinge of suspicion came into my mind then. I dismissed it.

It would never have come to me but for Jeanne's sly innuendos.

Jean-Louis was now running all over the nursery and desperately trying to talk. Nanny Goswell said he was a bright child; he was certainly a handsome one.

"Little pickle," said Nanny Goswell fondly. "All he wants is for someone to show him he's not the only pebble on the beach.”

I sighed. No one could long more for children in the nursery than I.

We spent the summer between the country and London, and a feature of our lives was, of course, the gambling sessions through which, Lance assured me, he was fast recouping his losses in the South Sea Company.

I was not so sure of this, for I guessed I heard only of the winnings. The losses were probably just as great.

I often felt during those days how happy I could have been but for Lance's obsession with gambling. It was only when the fever was on him that he seemed unaware of me.

It was like a demon that possessed him. He could never resist the desire. I had seen him wager on two raindrops falling down a windowpane ... five ... or even twenty pounds ... all on the spur of the moment. I could not understand him. I should have thought the lesson of the South Sea fiasco would have changed him. It was not so.

I was more than a little anxious about his financial position, for I fancied he was in debt. Once I found a demand from his tailor for a long-overdue bill, and when I remonstrated with him he replied, "But, my darling, no man ever pays his tailor's bills for at least five years.”

"Then they should. What if the poor man needs the money?”

"This man is far from poor. He served the court. He must be worth a fortune ... in debts.”

"That's not much use if he is never paid.”

"In time ... in time... .”

"Well, if you have been winning, surely this must be the time.”

"Logic, my dear. Absolute logic. Leave it to me.”

Casual, charming, unruffled, gallant, and a hopeless gambler. He was a man who would smile in the face of ruin. I was so different. Perhaps he should never have chosen to marry me.

As for Aimee, she was like him. I saw the excitement beginning to grip her. She could scarcely wait to get to the tables. I wondered if Lance was still financing her efforts.

I often saw Jeanne watching her, shaking her head ominously.

"Aimee has the luck of the angels," said Lance. "I've seen few to rival her.”

So I presumed Aimee, at least, was doing well.