Will You Love Me in September

He frowned as though the very mention of her name was distasteful to him.

"We have to remember how young she is," I went on. "She is only seven years old.”

He nodded, a little impatient with me, I thought, for reminding him of an obvious fact.

"Children are very impressionable, and this tragedy is having an effect on her.”

"I should hope it is," he retorted. "She should be made to realize what her wickedness has brought about.”

"Jeremy, it was the thoughtless act of a child!”

"She had been told skating was dangerous and warned not to go.”

"But danger appeals to children, don't you see.”

"And Damaris went after her and gave her life for that child.”

"It was not quite like that, Jeremy.”

"I cannot see how else it happened.”

I realized it was hopeless to try to make him see a different point of view, so I decided to come straight to the point.

"I want to take Sabrina back with me.”

I was astonished by his reaction, for I had thought that in view of the effect Sabrina had on him, he would not hesitate for a moment to let her go.

"This is her home," he said.

"But I thought a little stay with Lance and me ...”

"Where she will doubtless be pampered and made to feel something of a heroine... .”

"I do think she needs a little special care at the moment." "What she needs is to understand what she has done. She must be made to realize that her disobedience has cost her mother's life.”

"Oh, no, Jeremy! She is filled with remorse. Last night she went to her mother's grave. She had some childish notion of joining her mother. Don't you see how deeply hurt she is? She needs nursing back to normality. She needs love and security. Damaris would have understood.”

The mention of her name seemed to unnerve him. He clenched his fists and turned away.

When he spoke his voice sounded strangled.

"Damaris is ... dead ... because of this child's wanton action. She needs discipline.

She is utterly selfish. She will stay here in her home. Thank you for offering, Clarissa.

You have been a good girl. Damaris loved you dearly. But Sabrina has some wickedness in her and it has to be restrained. I can see trouble for her if she is not watched.

She is to stay here. I want her to understand fully this terrible thing she has done.”

"Jeremy," I said, "you were always kind to me. You were like a father to me. You and Damaris ... I'll never forget ...”

I could see I was stirring up his emotions, and because he had lost Damaris, they could only bring out more bitterness.

He said firmly, "The answer is that Sabrina stays here. She has that good Curlew woman to look after her, and this is her home.”

"For a brief visit then," I pleaded.

"Perhaps later. When she shows some contrition.”

I cried out in protest, "Don't you see? She is becoming obsessed by this feeling of guilt. It's doing something to her. Jeremy, she's little more than a baby.”

He said, "My mind is made up.”

I knew from the past that when Jeremy spoke in that way it was final.

After I had left, Sabrina's face haunted me for a long time.

"Soon you will come and see me," I had said when we parted, and she had just looked at me reproachfully. I was sure she thought that I was deserting her, and I trembled to think how she would fare in that brooding house of mourning. I was sure it was the worst possible thing that she should be left there. I relied on Smith and Nanny Curlew, and I had a word with them before I left.

It was in a very sad mood that I arrived back in London. Lance greeted me with pleasure.

He was very happy to see me back, he said. He had had some good play and was the richer by several thousands. I could not be elated by the news, for if he was playing for high stakes, I felt sure there would in time be some disastrous results.

Aimee welcomed me affectionately and it was pleasant to see little Jean-Louis again.

In spite of the ever-present apprehension caused by Lance's gambling, I could have been very happy if I could only have brought Sabrina with me.

Lance noticed that I was preoccupied and soon I was telling him all about it.

"If only I could have brought her with me, I would have been so relieved. I am sure I could make her into a normal child if I had her for a while.”

"You are a little worker of miracles," he said lightly, and I felt a stab of disappointment, for I realized he was not really concerned about Sabrina. He would always be kind; he would put no obstacles in the way of my taking her as my own child if ever I was able to do so, and she could have a home with us and be treated as a member of the family; but at the same time he did not . care deeply what became of her. There was a natural carelessness about him, an insouciance, and it applied to everything that touched him ... except gambling.