Will You Love Me in September

In one way it was an asset, for it enabled him to make light of his troubles. When I considered how nearly the South Sea Bubble had ruined him, I was amazed at his reaction. I only learned later about this and how he had sailed along very near the verge of bankruptcy. He owed money all round but he had continued to live in an extravagant style. That was Lance.

Perhaps it was through Sabrina that I began to feel a vague dissatisfaction with my marriage. I would not at first admit it. I had the kindest and most indulgent of husbands. I tried not to see the superficiality of our way of life. Now I began to feel that there was no depth in it. It was only a vague feeling, for my thoughts W6re so taken up with the plight of Sabrina.

Every day I thought of her and I wished that I had asked Smith or Nanny Curlew to write and let me know what was happening. Neither of them, I imagined, would be very good correspondents. I might have asked Priscilla, but she was very occupied at this time, deeply concerned about the health of her parents.

I could talk to Jeanne about Sabrina. Jeanne understood.

"Poor mite," she said. "It's wicked to make her feel like a murderess. Men ... I don't know. They have no sense, if you ask me. It is very mechant of this Monsieur Jeremy. He is no good father to that child.”

"Oh, Jeanne," I said, "how I wish that I had brought her with me.”

"She will grow up hating, that one. She will grow up with a ... how you say ...

un dent ... against the world.”

"A grudge," I said. "Yes, I think you are right, Jeanne, and I do worry about her.”

"Life is hard for some," added Jeanne, shaking her head. "For others easy. Madame Aimee has come out of it very well. She knows how to make a home for herself, that one does. Sharp as a wagon of singes.”

Jeanne always grew more French when she was disturbed, so I knew that she, too, was worried about Sabrina.

"I could never like 'er," she finished, on her favorite theme of Aimee. "But at least I could talk to her.”

"Dear Jeanne," I said to her one day, "I don't know what I should do without you.”

"Never fret, little one," she answered, "you will never have to. * The wild horse would not drag me from you.”

I waited news from Eversleigh. Priscilla wrote now and then, but her letters were mainly concerned with Carleton and Arabella gathered she was spending a great deal of time at Eversleigh Court and was thinking of sending for her brother, Carl. She did say that she saw little of Jeremy. "He is so sad," she added, "and I a° not think he wants to see anybody.”

So my anxieties about Sabrina were not set at rest.

I was telling myself that I must go again to Enderby when I received the letter from Priscilla. It was a great shock.

"My dear Clarissa," she wrote, "there has been a terrible tragedy here... .”

The words danced before my eyes and for a few moments I found it impossible to read on because I was terrified to read that something had happened to Sabrina.

But it was not Sabrina, though it was going to affect her deeply.

We think it was an accident. They found his clothes on the beach. He had told Smith he was going to swim. His horse was tethered nearby. He had ridden down to the sea, and there was no sign of him. There seems no end to this tragedy. Poor Jeremy, life was worthless for him without Damaris. I never knew anyone to be more devoted or to rely more on another person. We fear he is drowned. It is the only answer.

If you came to us now it would be so helpful. There is so much to see to, and with things as they are at Eversleigh, I find it hard to see to everything. I want to talk to you, Clarissa, about everything ...

I sat there for some minutes with the letter in my hand. I could imagine it. Poor, desolate Jeremy who could endure it no more, deliberately riding down to the beach and swimming out to sea with no intention of coming back.

Had it happened like that, or had it been an accident?

Who could be sure? Perhaps Jeremy did not want us to be sure. Perhaps it was a secret he wished to carry with him to the grave.

Lance immediately showed concern when I read him the letter, but even then I could not help wondering whether he was thinking of last night's play.

I said, "I want to go, Lance. I want to leave at once. There is a cry for help here.

They need me.”

"Of course you must go, darling, I'll come with you.”

He didn't want to go, of course. How he would hate that house of gloom! It didn't suit his mood at all. But it was the duty of a good husband to accompany his wife on such occasions and therefore he would do it with a good grace.

But I did not want him to make such a sacrifice and I did not really want him with me. I felt that this was too important a matter for anyone but myself. I sensed his relief when I insisted on going alone, although he displayed only concern for my safety.

Aimee said she would look after the household while I was away.

"That she will!" commented Jeanne. "She would like to be mistress of this household, mark my words.”