Will You Love Me in September

But I had married Lance. I loved Lance, of course. He possessed great charm and outstanding good looks. He was the most considerate of persons. But I often felt that there was a shadowy element there. Did I really know Lance?

This was foolish dreaming. There was too much reality all around me for me to waste myself in unsubstantial dreams, picturing what might have been.

My great-grandfather died peacefully in his bed that autumn, and about two months later Arabella followed him. I went with Lance and Sabrina to the funeral.

"There have been so many funerals in this family lately," said Priscilla sadly.

She was quiet and restrained, not easy to talk to. Leigh said he was making arrangements to take her away for a while. They would do a kind of Grand Tour of Europe, which would help to make a bridge between the past and the present. When they returned they might live at Eversleigh Court, as, before she died, it was what Arabella had suggested. Enderby should be sold.

"That will complete the change," said Leigh.

Sabrina and I went to see Smith in his cottage. He was managing very well, looking after himself, and Damon was there to keep him company.

"Poor old fellow, said Smith, "he's getting old, like I am.”

He had acquired another dog-little more than a puppy. "He'll be a standby when poor old Damon's gone," he went on. "Couldn't bear to be without a dog.”

Sabrina enjoyed playing with the puppy. She seemed more like a child than she had for a long time.

"You're doing a fine job with the nipper," said Smith. "It wasn't right of the master to treat her as he did. I told him so. He'd take it from me. But it made no difference.

He was that wounded ... like a dog maimed in a trap. He just had to shut himself in. Oh, I knew him well. But you're the one to look after Miss Sabrina. You'll do it. There's good in her-if you can find ., I felt comforted talking to that wise old man.

But during the months that followed, sometimes I despaired of Sabrina. There were times when she seemed determined to make trouble. We were all patient with her. Nanny Curlew was used to her, but Nanny Goswell was critical, comparing her with her "good little man," who, young as he was, commented Nanny Goswell, had more respect for other people's feelings than Madame Sabrina had. Nanny Curlew explained to her cousin that Sabrina had suffered through an unfortunate incident and that she must be given special care.

As for Aimee, she came to the nursery somewhat infrequently and seemed perfectly happy that her son should remain in Nanny Goswell's care. She ignored Sabrina until the incident of the cards.

Sabrina had a scrapbook in which she delighted. I was pleased to see her so interested in something, and she and I would discuss together where the pictures she collected should be stuck in. We would spend happy times together matching one color with another and fitting them in. She collected all the prints we could find, together with old songs and ballads and cuttings from the papers. Many happy hours were spent with the glue pot beside the open book; and sometimes I would say, "Let's look at the scrapbook," and she always eagerly agreed.

We were having a dinner party, one of those which did not make me very happy, for there would be play of course, and I knew that the stakes would be high. I sometimes wondered whether Lance would gamble with the house itself.

On these occasions Lance was always a little abstracted. He was perfectly charming, but it was quite clear that his thoughts were not with me.

I said to him as we dressed, "I am a little worried about Aimee.”

Was it my fancy or did he seem suddenly alert? "Whatever for?" he asked quickly.

"She seems happy enough.”

"Does she gamble for heavy stakes?”

He laughed. "Oh, it's gambling again, is it? Well, I'll say ? . . moderate.”

"Does she win?”

"She's naturally lucky. But not always, of course.”

"Did she pay you back what she borrowed from you ... to start her off?”

"Oh, yes. She soon did that. I'd say that she had far more than usual luck. At one time she was very fortunate indeed!”

Yes, I thought, and had a quick vision of her slipping a card from her petticoat pocket to those she was holding.

He laughed. "She has some notion of making enough to set up a house for herself and Jean-Louis. I have told her that her home is here as long as she wants it. I could say no more for your half sister.”

"Thank you, Lance. You are very good to me-and Aimee.”

He came over and kissed me. I saw his reflection in the glass-elegant, graceful, like someone playing a part on a stage. He could be trusted always to do what was correct in the etiquette of good manners. "My dear, it is you who are good to me.”

"I believe you would do a lot to make me happy, Lance.”

"I'd be glad of the opportunity.”

"Except one thing. You would never give up gambling for me.”

"Leopards can't change their spots, my darling, and gamblers can't give up the game.”

"I thought not," I said.