Without warning

‘In here,’ said Jules, leading them into a private cinema where two rows of plush, royal-blue lounges faced a giant wide-screen TV. She thanked God there were no nausea-inducing rag piles in here. ‘Pete, do you think you could work some video magic?’

‘Mate, there’s gotta be more than five hundred channels on this thing,’ he replied, waving a black plastic remote control at the screen. Immediately, the sound came booming up, making them all jump.

‘News would be good, Pete.’

‘Okay, don’t rush me.’

After some fiddling about, he brought up a news service. BBC World, according to the electronic watermark in the corner of the screen.

‘… broke out between riot police and residents of the largely Muslim suburb after a man was arrested for allegedly stopping cars and demanding that the occupants join in the celebrations.’

‘What the hell’s that about?’ said Fifi.

Jules took the control from Pete and thumbed off the sound as she searched for a program guide. ‘It happened last time too.’

‘Last time?’

‘Nine/eleven.’

‘That’s great,’ said Pete as the big flat Sony filled with images of burning cars and shops. ‘But we need to move our arses before someone else tries to grab this boat out from under them.’

Fifi, now fully recovered from her earlier fright, shrugged and hefted her sawn-off shotty. ‘Let ‘em try.’

‘Someone with more guns,’ he added.

* * * *

Mr Lee looked over the main controls in the bridge one last time, shaking his head. ‘Yes, we can do this,’ he said, somewhat paradoxically. ‘But not for long. We will need engineering johnnies, for begin.’

Pete nodded. They’d just come from inspecting the lower decks, specifically the engine room, which – save for three more puddles of dark green sludge on the floor and their accompanying uniforms – had gleamed whiter and cleaner than any human space he’d ever seen before. It was like the photos you sometimes saw of microchip plants in Taiwan. Not a speck of dust or grease anywhere. The boat was running perfectly for the moment, following a computer-controlled track to the south, but it was such a huge, complicated piece of machinery that there was no guarantee they’d be able to cope if anything went wrong.

He allowed himself a little Captain Kirk moment, swivelling in the main command chair as Fifi and Jules reclined on a padded bench at the rear of the cabin. Late afternoon light flooded in through the huge windows, bathing them all in a deepening golden glow. All in all, it felt more like they were kicking back at the Bellagio in Vegas than scoping out a hijack at sea.

‘We could get crew,’ suggested Pete. ‘I know some guys in Acapulco, and down Panama way. German Willy still runs out of the Canal zone. And there’s Stan Lusevic, and Shoeless Dan.’

‘Jesus Christ, Pete!’ protested Jules. ‘Are we putting together a crew or a sheltered workshop for retired drunks and dick pullers?’

‘Yes,’ Lee agreed. ‘German Willy, too much drinking, too much willy. Other two – morons. Without shoes. No good, Mr Pete. No good.’

‘Okay,’ he conceded. ‘I take your point. But, Mr Lee, you’re also right about us needing crew if we’re going to be doing anything other than selling this boat off at the first safe port we can find.’

Jules smiled wryly at him from deep inside the luxurious royal-blue padding of the bench, which occupied the entire rear bulkhead. ‘Pete, I thought we were just minding this old tub for the Shark.’

The Aussie gave a sad smile in return and shook his head. ‘The Shark’s gone, baby.’ He spared a glance at the viscous stains on the non-slip floor where Mr Lee had cleaned up another two pools of human ooze; true to form, it hadn’t seemed to bother his first mate. ‘Almost everyone north of here is gone for good,’ Pete continued. ‘You’ve seen the news. If we’re lucky, this’ll be some kind of space-monkey invasion, because at least then we’ll have someone to maintain order.’

‘Like in Planet of the Apes,’ said Fifi, in all seriousness.

‘Sure, sweetheart, if you like. But me, I reckon the universe, or merciful Allah or the Great Pumpkin or whatever, sneezed and blew the good ol’ US of A right out of its arse – which, as we’ve seen, a lot of people think of as A Good Deal. But me, I reckon it means we’re about three days away from a Hobbesian fucking meltdown.’

Fifi’s blank look spoke volumes for a formal education that had ended when she was only thirteen years old.

‘Thomas Hobbes, darling,’ explained Jules. ‘A Brit. He invented the idea of the violent clusterfuck, with everyone fighting each other. Like a Jackie Chan movie. Or a cage-wrestling free-for-all on the telly. You know, Smackdown or Spankdown, or whatever it’s called.’