Английский разговорный шутя. 100 самых смешных анекдотов на лучшие разговорные темы

4. He thought there was little hope left, but still he agreed to help.

5. After a few visits to the counselor's office they felt better.

6. When she began to speak, he understood very little, so fast she spoke.

7. And only a few words were intelligible.

8. She sat silently a few minutes, and then they left.

7. 1. If we don't try counseling, our marriage will end up in a divorce.

2. If you argue with me any more, I will leave you forever.

3. As soon as you understand that it's our last straw, things will turn for the better.

4. You've got to tell me, when you will go to visit the counselor tomorrow.

5. When you arrive at the counselor's office, the counselor will jump right in and open the floor for discussion.

6. If she doesn't stop talking 90 miles an hour, I will have to stop her by a kiss.

7. She will continue talking her head off until you kiss her.

8. I will bring her here every Tuesday if she agrees.

Section 24:

2. 1. She goes home to fix her husband dinner when he gets home from work.

2. Well, one Thursday, she has an incredible hand.

3. And she dashes out of her friend's house.

4. All she has in the cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf.

5. She watches in horror as he sits down to his dinner.

6. She tells her bridge cronies about it and they are all horrified.

7. After the funeral all attacked our new widow.

3. True: 1, 3. False: 2, 4, 5, 6.

4. 1-A, 2-B, 3-K, 4-E, 5-F, 6-L, 7-G, 8-H, 9-C, 10-D, 11-1, 12-J.

5. 1. She goes home to fix her husband dinner.

2. She has an incredible hand when she notices the time.

3. She dashes out of her friend's house.

4. She realizes she has very little time.

5. All she has in the cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food.

6. She watches in horror as her husband sits down to his dinner.

7. Needless to say, every Thursday from then on, she made this dinner.

8. We told you that feeding him that cat food would do him in!

6. 1. Her husband insisted on being given good healthy food for his dinner.

2. She couldn't help staying in the club until the game was over.

3. He was looking forward to being served that cat food for his dinner.

4. She didn't object at all to his climbing the mantel whenever he wanted.

5. He did not mind being fed cat food at all.

6. She enjoyed playing bridge with the ladies.

7. 1. She said to her cronies, «I have to go home and fix my husband his dinner.»

2. He asked her, «Did you have an incredible hand in bridge?»

3. She said, «My husband is going to be angry if it is not ready on time.»

4. He said, «This is the best dinner you have ever made for me in forty years of marriage.»

5. He said to her, «Make this for me any old day.»

6. They said, «You are going to kill your husband.»

7. The ladies said, «You really killed him with the cat food.»

8. She said to her cronies, «Don't blame me for it.»

8. 1. lettuce, 2. garnish, 3. murder, 4. counsel, 5. wrongs,

6. scratch, 7. exchange, 8. demand, 9. mistress, 10. jewelry.

Section 25:

2. 1. two guys are talking about their boss's wedding.

2. It's ridiculous, he's 93 years old.

3. What kind of a wedding is that?

4. What do you call it?

5. The girl's waiting for him to kick off!

3. 1-c, 2-d, 3-a, 4-b, 5-e.

4. 1-Е, 2-d, 3-f, 4-c, 5-g, 6-b, 7-h, 8-a.

5. 1. She's just 26!

2. We have a name for it in my family.

3. We call it a football wedding.

6. 1. He has divorced recently, and he just wants to get himself another wife.

2. All other wives that he has had were also much younger than he was.

3. Another wedding, and he will really kick off.

4. Two guys turned up at the wedding; one was the bestman, the other was his friend.

5. About half a hundred people invited to the wedding managed to get into the church; others had to wait outside.

Section 26:

2. 1. A fellow was talking to his buddy.

2. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything.

3. Make up a certificate.

4. If you did it, she'd probably be thrilled.

5. Did you take my suggestion?

6. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out.

3. true: 1, 4, 5. false: 2, 3, 6.

4. 1-a, 2-Е, 3-c, 4-1, 5-f, 6-h, 7-b, 8-g, 9-d.

5. 1. I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday.

2. I'm stumped.

3. I have an idea.

4. So the fellow did.

5. She ran out the door yelling, «I'll be back in an hour!!!»

6. 1. If I knew what to get my wife for her birthday, I would be really happy.

2. If she had needed something, she would have told me.

3. I would not be stumped, if she told me what she wants.

4. She would be even more thrilled, if you did it yourself.

5. If I hadn't taken your suggestion, people wouldn't have made fun of me.

6. She would have been back in an hour, if she hadn't met you on the way.

7. If you hadn't been so stupid, you wouldn't have made up a certificate of this sort.

Section 27:

2. 1. Tom's wife wasn't very attractive.

2. He was no oil-painting, either.

3. How much is the cost of the ceremony?

4. Give me what it is worth to have this lady for your wife.

5. Tom handed the minister $50.

6. The minister gave him $42 change.