Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения

Mrs. Herman from London was visiting (навещала) some friends in Florida when she saw (когда она увидела /to see-saw-seen/) a little old man rocking merrily away (весело покачивающегося) on his front porch (на своем переднем крыльце). He had a lovely smile (у него была приятная улыбка) on his face (на /его/ лице). She just had to go over to him (она просто должна была подойти = не могла не подойти к нему).

"I couldn’t help noticing (не могла не заметить) how happy you look (каким счастливым вы выглядите). I would love (очень хотела бы) to know your secret for a long and happy life (узнать ваш секрет /для/ долгой и счастливой жизни)."

"I smoke four packets of cigarettes a day (я выкуриваю четыре пачки сигарет в день), drink five bottles (выпиваю пять бутылок) of scotch whiskey a week (в неделю), eat lots and lots (ем очень и очень много: «множества и множества») of fatty food (жирной еды; fat — жир) and I never (никогда), I mean (имею в виду = вот уж действительно) never exercise (никогда не упражняюсь = не делаю зарядку, гимнастику)."

"Why, that’s absolutely amazing (совершенно поразительно). I’ve never heard anything like this before (я никогда не слышала ничего подобного: «такое как это раньше»). How old are you? (сколько вам лет)"

"I’m twenty six (26)," he replied.

Mrs. Herman from London was visiting some friends in Florida when she saw a little old man rocking merrily away on his front porch. He had a lovely smile on his face. She just had to go over to him.

"I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look. I would love to know your secret for a long and happy life."

"I smoke four packets of cigarettes a day, drink five bottles of scotch whiskey a week, eat lots and lots of fatty food and I never, I mean never exercise."

"Why, that’s absolutely amazing. I’ve never heard anything like this before. How old are you?"

"I’m twenty six," he replied.

I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look.

I would love to know your secret for a long and happy life.

Why, that’s absolutely amazing.

I’ve never heard anything like this before.

How old are you?

Moishe is being indoctrinated (прорабатывается; ему вдалбливается доктрина) by the Russian government (Российским правительством):

Govt. Official (правительственный служащий): "If you had a yacht (если бы у тебя была яхта), what would you do with it? (чтобы ты с ней сделал)"

Moishe: "Give it to Mother Russia (отдал бы Матери-России)."

Govt. Official: "And if you had a palace (дворец; palace [ˈpælɪs]), what would you do with it?"

Moishe: "Give it to Mother Russia."

Govt. Official: "And if you had a sweater (свитер), what would you do with it?"

No reply (нет ответа).

Government official asks the question again (снова задает: «спрашивает» этот вопрос).

And still (все еще, по-прежнему) no reply.

Finally (наконец) he shouts (выкрикивает): "Moishe, why don't you reply?"

Moishe: "Because I have a sweater (потому что у меня есть свитер)."

Moishe is being indoctrinated by the Russian government:

Govt. Official: "If you had a yacht, what would you do with it?"

Moishe: "Give it to Mother Russia."

Govt. Official: "And if you had a palace, what would you do with it?"

Moishe: "Give it to Mother Russia."

Govt. Official: "And if you had a sweater, what would you do with it?"

No reply.

Government official asks the question again.

And still no reply.

Finally he shouts: "Moishe, why don't you reply?"

Moishe: "Because I have a sweater."

If you had a yacht, what would you do with it?

Dear Dad,