Anniversarian. A play for 2 people. Comedy

Filimon. My brother has an emergency at work. His wife and children did not dare to come without him, especially since the daughters had a cold somewhere, sniveling. My friend Tolik is a womanizer, because of his addictions, he was also under attack. My wife and I are fighting, the holiday has been canceled. Four friends got into an accident while driving to my place.

Sasha. All at once?

Philemon. They were driving in the same car.

Sasha. A. So. Next?

Philemon. Even the twin brothers were supposed to come with their wives, but they had a flood at home. The house is for two owners, both families got in at once.

Sasha. Do these twins live in this house for two owners? Are they the owners?

Philemon. Well, yes.

Sasha. Well, I see.

Philemon. Oh, and Sergey also, respectively, with his Bunny.

Sasha. What about them?

Philemon. The devil knows. Something didn't work out, I didn't really understand, I didn't find out the details. That's all. That's why I was left alone.

Sasha. Cool!

Philemon. Do you find it?

Sasha. Of course!

Philemon. Why?

Sasha. Because if they were all here, then I would have confused the apartments, quickly understood everything and went to where they were waiting for me. And I wouldn't have met a boring artist who for some reason I really liked.

Philemon. Can I ask the boring artist something else?

Sasha. Try it, let's see what happens.

Philemon. Why Ivy? An infrequent name. I have never met such names at all. Does it even exist?

Sasha. Exists. This name is of Slavic origin, for a second, and means "Overripe berry"!

Philemon. I'm sorry, please, but I'm the overripe berry of the two of us! It's kind of…

Sasha. I agree, this has nothing to do with me at all. But I liked the name. I Googled it, and look what they're writing. (Reading from a smartphone.) A person named Ivy is usually characterized as a creative and romantic person. Ivy is very social and sociable, and also has a developed sense of humor and is not averse to making fun of herself.

He looks at Philemon.

Philemon. Yes, there is something from you here.

Sasha. Well, that's it!

Philemon. But the name Sasha is also beautiful. Alexa-a-ndra — how it sounds!

Sasha. Alexandra sounds really good, but no one calls a girl Alexandra in real life. It's too formal. Sasha and Sasha. And I don't really like the name Sasha. Moreover, it is more masculine than feminine.

Philemon. If you want, I'll call you Ivy.

Sasha. Agree. Then I'll be Sasha and Alexandra for everyone, and Ivy will be just for you.

Philemon. Great! Agreed.

Sasha. And what does the name Philemon mean?

Philemon. But I do not know. I've never even been interested.

Sasha. So let's Google it, you'll find out. (Reading from a smartphone.) The name Philemon comes from an ancient Greek name… and…. There are some hieroglyphs here, I can't read ancient Greek. But this word means "affectionate", "beloved", "kissing". Here! Is that clear to you?

Philemon. Clear.

Sasha. What is clear to you?

Philemon. Well, affectionate, beloved, kissing.

Sasha. Nothing is clear to you! Kiss me, come on, confirm your Philemon name!

Kissing. They drink a little, without a toast, but clinking glasses.

Philemon. Listen, Ivy, how are you? Is the wine working properly?

Sasha. It's all right, why?

Philemon. I think I'll go.

Philemon goes to the toilet.

Sasha walks around the apartment, looks skeptically at the poor situation, thinks about something. He takes out his phone. Calls.

Sasha. Hello? Vadik, Hi. We should meet. No, I don't do that anymore. That's what I decided. I'm on another matter. You'll find out. Well, so what? Are you in town? When can you? (He looks at his watch.) I'll be in time. I'm running.

Philemon returns.

Sasha. I'll be out, don't waste it. I need to meet someone urgently.

Philemon. Can I start worrying already? What kind of person is that?

Sasha. A very serious comrade, but decent, you have nothing to worry about. I have to run now, I'll come back and explain everything. OK?

Filimon. Hmm…

Sasha. Well, Philemon…

Philemon. OK, OK.

Sasha. Do not be sad… I think everything will be fine. Wait!

Sasha is almost leaving. Philemon calls out to her.

Philemon. Wait!

Sasha. What?

Philemon. Here. Take my apartment keys. You will come here as a hostess, not as a guest.

Sasha. Wow! Are you sure? What if I put up an apartment?

Philemon. What is there to take?

Sasha. But you've only known me for a day, haven't you?

Philemon. I'm an artist!

Sasha. M… well, yes, that explains a lot. Fine. I'll leave for three hours and come back.

Philemon. Fine.

Sasha runs away. Is returning. He kisses Philemon.

Sasha. Wait!

He's running away.

Scene 4

Philemon is no longer in his dressing gown, but also not in his former attire. He wanders around the apartment. He can't find a place for himself.

Philemon. The old fool! By God, you old fool! Fifty years — no mind. I fell for a pretty face. Turn on your brain, Philemon! Why did you give up on her? You're nothing more than exotic to her. And so — so exotic. He'll play and quit. He'll forget in one fell swoop.

He wanders on.