Джейн Эйр / Jane Eyre

Long after the sun had risen, and the birds had started to sing, I stirred, awoke, and remembered where I was. It was a still, hot, perfect morning. I heard a bee buzzing among the bilberry bushes, and saw a little brown lizard sitting on the rock next to me. I wished I could be one of them, so that this moor could give me everything I needed to survive, and I could stay here forever. Then, for a moment, I wished that God had seen fit to take my soul in the night, so that this could have been my resting place, and I would have to suffer no longer.

But I was alive, and I had to find myself work of some kind. So I stood up, put on my shawl and bonnet, and tramped back to the road. I did not look at the signpost again. Instead, I simply chose the road that led away from the sun, so that it would not shine into my eyes, and walked and walked.

After several miles, I had seen no houses or people, and the sun was high overhead, so I sat down on a stone to rest. Just as I was thinking I was too hot and tired to go on, and would have to find a place to sleep nearby, I heard a church bell.

I turned and saw a pale spire among the moorland hills, where I had noticed nothing before. I set off over the moors towards it, and soon came across a little village.

As I walked down the main street, I knew I looked like a respectable lady, with my nice dress, bonnet and shawl. But hunger gnawed away at my insides, and I had not a penny to my name. In truth, I was no more than a poor vagrant. If I wanted food, I would have to beg for it.

Or, I thought suddenly, perhaps I could exchange one of my few possessions for something to eat. I had a silk handkerchief, and a pair of good leather gloves, though they were hardly valuable.

I stopped outside a baker’s shop, with a row of bread cakes in the window. I wanted one of them so desperately that I pushed open the door and went in. The smell of new-baked bread made me want to cry.

“Good afternoon, Miss,” said the woman behind the counter cheerily. She, of course, saw me as a customer with money to spend, and all of a sudden I felt ridiculous. I could not possibly offer her my used handkerchief, my worn gloves, in place of payment.

“I–I was feeling hot, and wondered if I might sit down in here for a moment,” I stammered.

“I suppose so,” said the woman, sounding slightly put out, and I sat down in a chair near the door.

After a while, I plucked up the courage to ask: “Do you know, by any chance, if anyone in this village is looking for domestic help, or a governess?”

“I couldn’t say, Miss.”

“Is there any other work in the village?”

“There’s Oliver’s needle factory, and farm handing. But that’s men’s work,” she added, with a distrustful look.

Soon another woman came in and started chatting to the shopkeeper. I felt like a nuisance, so I left.

I wandered around the village. At the end of the main street I saw a large, pretty house, and asked if I they needed a servant. “We don’t have any servants,” said the young woman who came to the door. I came back past the church again, and when I saw the vicarage, I thought of asking the vicar for advice. Surely, I reasoned, that was part of a vicar’s job – to help those who were lost and in need? But when I knocked, there was no answer.

I set off again, feeling more and more desperate and tearful. When would someone be kind and friendly to me? As the evening wore on, and the shops began to close, I headed out of the village and up a lane leading to the moors, thinking I would have to sleep there again.

After a while, I came past a little farmhouse, and saw a man sitting outside the door, having his supper. Next to him on a little table were half a loaf of bread and a block of cheese.

By now, I was so hungry I could not stop myself. I leaned over the wall and called: “Please will you give me a piece of your bread, sir? I’m very hungry.”

The man looked surprised for a moment, but he took up his knife, cut a thick slice of bread, and a little cheese to go with it, and brought it over to me. I don’t believe he thought I was a beggar at all. He probably thought I was just an eccentric lady out for a walk, who suddenly felt like a snack. So, hoping to retain my dignity, I thanked him kindly, and walked on at a measured pace. But, as soon as I was out of sight, I devoured that bread and cheese as if I were a starved animal.

As I finished it, I felt the first few drops of a summer rainstorm. The sky was dark, and now that the sun was going down, I began to feel cold. In bad weather, it would not be nearly so easy to spend a night outdoors. I had no idea what to do.

Chapter 28

I continued to walk. It grew dark, and it started to rain heavier. My clothes were wet, and I knew that if I found no shelter soon, I would catch cold. I started to look for some kind of bush or rock at least.