Funny Children's Stories. Bilingual Edition

Last year Mom took me to the swimming pool to sign me up for swimming classes. But at the pool, they said that Mom brought me in too late. Then Mom asked what time we should have come at. And they replied that they did not mean that. They meant that it was already too late to make an Olympic champion out of me. I should have begun much earlier. They told Mom that she should have brought me in when I was five years old.

Mom argued and asked them to sign me up for beginner class. But they replied that they did not have beginner classes. And when Mom started to insist, they said, “Okay, leave your child. But if he sinks, we will not be held responsible.” So we left.

 I continued to play hockey. And Mom kept being upset when I came home wet.

Today Mom was upset again that I came home wet.

She told me that it was only Tuesday and I looked as dirty as if it was already Saturday. And she might have to fire up our gas boiler to wash me.

And she would have to change my bed linen every week, like in the best hotels abroad. And she would have to see if my shirt from yesterday had dried.

Mom also said that if she had not yelled for me to come home on time, I would have probably died out there, in the yard, right next to the tin can.

Yesterday's shirt turned out to be dry. But Mom still could not calm down. She told me that she hoped I would not take my wet clothes off on the staircase and dry them. And if I was stupid enough to do so, I would easily catch a cold.

And when I hesitated with my answer, Mom was horrified and said that she just did not know what to do. She probably should not punish me for my back being wet. Because with such unreasonable behavior, I could easily catch pneumonia.

So I had no choice but to promise Mom that I would not let my back get wet again. Finally, Mom calmed down, and I started to do my homework.

As I was doing my homework, I could not stop thinking about the broken hockey stick. Before it was broken, I had held it a little in my hands. Of course, it was terribly beautiful. Its edges were not sharp. They were rounded. And the whole hockey stick was covered with some wonderful varnish. The stick had such beautiful curves that shivers went down my spine. And I thought to myself that I was very lucky that we had a yard where we could play hockey. I was lucky that many kids in our yard liked hockey. And I thought that all this was just great.

And as for Mom’s idea about my wet back – I mean, about undressing outside on the staircase and drying my wet clothing – I liked it very much.

Носовой платок

Я очень не люблю врать. Моя мама считает, что я никогда не вру. Поэтому я действительно никогда не вру. И даже не говорю никакой неправды. Потому что, если только моя мама узнает, что я сказал неправду, будет конец света. А я не хочу, чтобы был конец света.

Но иногда быва

ет так, что сказать правду очень трудно. Бывает даже так, что сказать правду просто невозможно. Но это совершенно разные вещи: сказать неправду или не сказать правду.

Например, вчера мама дала мне деньги на школьный завтрак. И когда она увидела, что я их положил в карман брюк, ей это не понра

вилось. И она посоветовала мне положить деньги в карман школьной куртки, чтобы их не потерять.

Но я не положил деньги в карман школьной куртки и только сказал, что не потеряю, мол, не бойся, мама. И пошёл в школу. Ну, и так получилось, что деньги я всё-таки потерял. Получилось так потому, наверное, что у меня в том же кармане, куда я положил де

ньги, лежал носовой платок. Когда же я доставал носовой платок, в этот момент, скорее всего, я и потерял деньги.

Когда я пришёл из школы домой, мама не спросила меня, потерял ли я деньги или не потерял. Если бы она спросила меня об этом, я ни за что не соврал бы ей. Конечно, я сказа

л бы, что потерял деньги. Но маме в голову не пришло задать мне такой вопрос.

А я ещё сделал вид, что мне очень весело. Потому что, если я хоть чуть-чуть был бы не такой, какой обычно прихожу из школы, то мама сразу бы меня спросила, в чём, мол, дело. А я не хотел, чтобы мама задавала мне всякие такие вопросы.