Girlology: A Girl's Guide to Stuff that Matters

If touching each other sexually involves using your mouth or tongue to stimulate another person’s genitals, it’s called oral sex. Some people call it “going down” on someone. If a girl puts her mouth over a guy’s penis, the scientific word for that is fellatio, but most people refer to it as oral sex or a blow job. Blow? We don’t think blowing on the penis is really involved; that’s just a term people use. When a guy uses his mouth or tongue on a girl’s clitoris or vaginal area, the scientific word for that is cunnilingus. There is no nice way to describe it in everyday language; we prefer to stick with the term oral sex.

Anal Sex

Bet you can guess what this means. It means penis in anus. As you can imagine, the anus has loads of bacteria and is not really built for that, so it can be much more risky and cause infection, as well as be painful. Some girls think that if they have anal sex, they are being “abstinent” and can still be a “virgin.” But basically, anal sex is just as intimate as vaginal sex, and as we’ve discussed, the virginity issue is very questionable.

What Is SEXUAL and What Is ABSTINENCE?

There’s a lot of talk out there about abstinence. Lots of federal money and entire educational programs have been designed to promote sexual abstinence until marriage. The problem is, many of these programs don’t define sexual abstinence very well, so teens are making up their own definitions.

The word abstain means to withhold or “not do” something. Like abstaining from drugs means you don’t use them. So what is sexual abstinence? Well, it depends on your definition of SEXUAL. We’ve spent a lot of time talking about sexual feelings and physical touch that is sexual. Is it sexual to hug someone? French kiss? Touch private body parts through your clothes? Sure. All that stuff creates sexual feelings, so it is a sexual thing. But is that what these programs mean? You can’t kiss until you are married? We don’t think so, but some people’s definitions might mean that.

Whether these recommendations are based on religious teachings or just on common sense, the whole reason for encouraging sexual abstinence for all young people is to prevent unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections and emotional pain that can come from having sex when you’re not ready. That means you should abstain from any activity that can cause these problems.

Let’s be more precise just for the record. We hope you know how a pregnancy occurs by now, so obviously sexual abstinence means no penis-in-vagina because that could lead to pregnancy. Also, to prevent infections, sexual abstinence would include abstaining from oral sex, anal sex and very close skin-to-skin contact, particularly of the genital areas. Finally, the emotional pain thing is the most difficult to figure out. It may be impossible to prevent emotional pain if you let yourself have strong feelings for others. We can’t help having our feelings and emotions hurt in life. But, if you use your Girl Power to keep yourself from doing sexual things you don’t feel comfortable doing or don’t feel ready to do, you’re doing the best you can to protect your emotions related to sexual activity. And believe us, there’s a very strong link between our emotions and what we do sexually.

So don’t fall into the trap of believing that sexual abstinence means you can do anything sexually except have a penis in the vagina. It’s not that easy. Think about it, and make a decision you feel good about.

The Consequences of Sex

Let us first emphasize that most young teens do not have sexual intercourse, neither vaginal nor anal. These days, teens may be having more oral sex, thinking that it is risk free. Wrong! Any type of sexual contact carries risks, as we’ll explain. That means it requires responsible behavior and thinking ahead to avoid those risks.

Obviously, pregnancy is a huge risk that you take if you have sex. There are many effective ways to prevent pregnancy, but nothing except abstinence from sex is 100 percent effective. Most important, pregnancy and childbirth change lives forever—yours, your baby’s (obviously!) and your partner’s—so it better be something you are prepared to handle if you are going to have sex. Children born to young mothers do not get the same opportunities as children born to adults, who can provide financially and emotionally for a child. Young mothers are also less likely to finish their education, and you can imagine how hard it is to get a good job and provide for your family if you don’t have a good education.