Girlology: A Girl's Guide to Stuff that Matters

Being intimate doesn’t come easily, and it can be risky. What do we mean by risky? Well, let’s say you tell a friend a secret about a very embarrassing moment for you, but you realize that if she tells everyone that secret, you would feel humiliated. By telling your secret to a friend, you risk everyone else finding out something you don’t want anyone else to know. Part of what you will learn as a young teen is who you can trust and become intimate with. It’s more important for you right now to learn to be a good friend and find good friends. This should all happen before you head off on any romantic journey.

What Is Girly?

What does it mean to be a girl? Does it mean you have to wear dresses, get your ears pierced and fantasize about boys? Does it mean you have to want to have babies? Does it mean you can’t be a firefighter or a professional athlete? Heck no! Being a girl only means you were born with certain genes and parts, and all the rest is up to you. Sometimes that’s not the message we hear or how we feel, though. We get ideas from our families, from the media, from our peers and all of society about how girls are “supposed” to be. But a girl with Girl Power can’t be forced into a girly thing that doesn’t feel right for her.

What if you like to wear camo pants and a baseball hat? What if a guy enjoys ballet? What if you enjoy baseball over gymnastics? What if you like short hair? What if you aren’t interested in kissing boys? That’s cool. It’s about expressing your personal preferences, which is what teens on the road toward independence and adulthood are supposed to be doing. Some people, though, might not be comfortable with your individuality and might call you names. Teens, as we’re sure you know, can be cruel with their name calling, and one of the names you’ll hear for guys who do things that are considered more “girly” is “faggot” or “homo.” Girls who like things that are more popular with boys might be called “dykes” or “lesbians.” These words are hurtful. Doing things differently or having certain interests doesn’t mean anything about a person’s sexual orientation.

Straight or Gay

So what IS sexual orientation? First of all, sexual orientation is not at all about how you look. It may not even be about whom you have kissed. It is really about who you are attracted to in a romantic way. If a male is emotionally and physically attracted in a mature romantic way to another male, then he is homosexual. Same goes for females attracted to females—they are homosexual. The word homosexual means the same thing as the word gay. Homosexual women are also called lesbians. Some people use hurtful words when talking about gay people, but the most respectful words to use are gay and lesbian.

There are also some people who are sexually attracted to both males and females. They are called bisexual. If a male is attracted to females or a female is attracted to males, they are heterosexual. Ninety percent of the people in the world are heterosexual.

But love is love. We can’t always help who we fall in love with. The world is filled with enough hatred and violence. We should never hate people for loving others—even if it means they are gay.

Am I Gay?

Believe it or not, this question is common and normal, and most young teens wonder about it at some point. Remember, you are trying to figure out who you are sexually, so you may think about all the possibilities. While all this sex stuff is going on in your body and brain, you may find yourself having sexual thoughts about another girl or woman. You will certainly look at other girls when they are undressing in the gym or at a sleepover. You might have even touched another girl in a private or sexual way. Don’t freak out. At your age, this happens sometimes and doesn’t mean anything yet about your sexual orientation. In fact, around age twelve or thirteen, about one in four girls can’t say for sure whether they think they are gay or not. But by age eighteen, only one in twenty girls doesn’t know for sure. That means that during adolescence, most girls figure out and feel comfortable about their sexual orientation. It can be a tough and confusing thing to think you are gay during your teen years. It is really important to find someone you can talk to openly. If you don’t think your parents are the ones, look to a school counselor, doctor, a friend’s parent or other trusted adult.