Girlology: A Girl's Guide to Stuff that Matters

There is a lot of controversy about whether people choose to be homosexual or whether they are born that way. We aren’t here to answer that question, but it is very important to realize that people are people, and their sexual orientation means nothing about their value as humans. Being gay is not easy in our society because of teasing and discrimination. We should treat each other with respect and tolerance, which is what girls with Girl Power do.

Sex and Power: It Can Be Good, It Can Be Bad

Sexuality is powerful. Advertising companies have used the power of sexual images for many years because it works. Sex sells. They might show a photo of a big-breasted woman on a motorcycle to sell a pair of jeans, but what do her breasts have to do with the jeans? They may show a sexy pair of legs with a sports drink next to them to sell that drink. What do the legs have to do with the sports drink? Absolutely nothing, nada, zippo. But the image of something sexy always seems to get attention. It’s powerful.

We bet some of your classmates have figured this out, too. A special glance, an innocent touch or a certain comment might actually send a message that says, “Hey, look at me, I’m kind of cute, and I’m looking at you . . . yeah you.” That, we’re sure you know, is called flirting. Flirting can be innocent and fun. It’s a way that girls and guys let each other know there’s an interest brewing. On the other hand, flirting can become not so good if it turns into excessive teasing or manipulating behavior.

Sexual Harassment

Sometimes flirting goes too far and may make you feel uncomfortable. For instance, a cute guy in your class starts staring at you, and every time you look at him, he winks. Flattered? Maybe. Let’s say he then starts following you in the halls and whispers comments about how nice your breasts look to him. How does that make you feel? Probably very uncomfortable. This is a form of sexual harassment.

How about if you’re walking through a crowded hallway at school, and someone pinches or fondles your butt. Some girls might think this attention is cool, but unwanted attention of that kind is also a form of sexual harassment.

The more common examples of sexual harassment are when someone uses sexual language, talks about sex, or uses touch or body language in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, embarrassed or threatened. Another type of sexual harassment is when someone asks you to look at photos of naked people or sexual acts (also called pornography). They can even send them to you through the Internet when you don’t even want to look at that stuff. Why would someone do this? It’s a power trip. They are using words, actions or physical contact to feel more powerful than you. Remember, sexual harassment is not only wrong, it is illegal. If you feel like someone is harassing you, it’s time to talk to that good old trusted adult.

When Sex Is a Crime

Unfortunately, there are people in this world who use the power of sex in very bad ways. If an adult forces you or talks you into doing something sexual that you don’t want to do, it’s called sexual abuse. If they take photographs of you naked or doing sexual things, it’s pornography, and that is sexual abuse as well. It’s a way they take advantage of children or teens for their own pleasure or entertainment—sometimes just for the power trip of it. Sexual abusers are not just spooky-looking men, they can be anybody, even adults who supervise kids and seem to like them. Sometimes sexual abuse occurs within families (this is called incest). How can this happen? Abusers will often earn the trust of the child by buying gifts or providing treats, but then they expect the child to keep secrets about what’s happening in private. They may threaten to stop the gifts or even threaten to withdraw love if the child tells anyone. Sometimes they threaten to hurt someone the child loves if the child tells anyone. And even if the child does tell, people may have a hard time believing them. The child might even be afraid that no one will believe them.

No matter who it is—a parent, a coach, a friend of the family, a stepparent, a neighbor—anyone who does this is a criminal, because sexual abuse is illegal, and the abusers are way sick in the head. Unfortunately, it happens more than you would ever imagine. If this has ever happened to you or anyone you know, your first step is to tell an adult who will listen and help. If you aren’t sure who you can tell, a good resource is a school counselor.

Rape