Girlology: A Girl's Guide to Stuff that Matters

Sex is a hot topic. Just check out the cover of Seventeen magazine, the posters in your health class, TV shows, religious youth group programs and the rows of books on sexuality in Barnes & Noble. Everybody’s got something to say about sex.

With all these different people weighing in on sex, it can be a confusing topic. So confusing that we can’t even agree on what to call it! In science we call it “reproduction.” Your parents might call it “making love.” Friends can call it “sleeping” with a boy. It’s called sex, sexual intercourse, as well as lots of not-so-proper names.

Why do we have so many names for it? And why are some of the names “nice” and some aren’t nice at all? The reason is simple. Different people have lots of different ideas about sex. Some think it’s loving affection between husband and wife. Others think it’s just a fun way to relieve yourself when you feel sexually aroused or “horny.” Some people say sex is mainly for making babies. Other people do it for the sheer thrill and excitement. What a variety of ideas! What a bag of mixed messages!

With all these mixed messages, how do we decide what’s right for us? Where do we get the information that helps us decide? Parents? Television? Church? Movies? Boyfriends? Teachers? Friends? Magazines? Internet?

Whom do you listen to? How do you decide which messages are important and which are not so important? It’s hard! If you are like a lot of girls, you want to:• Fit in with your friends• Be liked by boys• Be trusted by your parents• Know about the latest trends

Parents, girlfriends, boyfriends and the media can have different ideas about how your friends, boys, parental trust and trends fit in with your new sexual self. If you are paying attention to all these messages, here’s what you might hear:

From Parents

I’m glad you asked me.

What?! Why are you interested in sex? Are you already doing it?

Wait until you’re married.

Use birth control.

Sex is a gift you save for your husband.

Sex is dirty.

Sex is not healthy for teenagers.

Sex is for adults only.

Sex is wonderful if you are in the right relationship.

Sex is dangerous.

Sex is intimate and emotional.

Sex is a gift from God.

From Girlfriends

I want to have sex now.

I want to wait until I’m married to have sex.

Sex is gross.

I can’t believe you haven’t had sex yet!

Sex is disappointing.

Sex is fun.

Sex is all about the guys.

Sex is something that everyone is doing.

Sex is scary.

You need to use a condom.

You only need to have sex if you want a baby.

Boys only like you if you have sex.

My boyfriend wanted to do it, so I did.

My boyfriend wants to wait. Is that weird?

Once you start having sex, it’s really hard to stop.

From Boyfriends

Guys have to have it to release tension.

Let’s wait until we are both ready to do sexual things.

Your sense of humor is what I love best about you.

It gets me hot when you wear that micro-mini with the baby T.

Everybody is doing it.

We’ll just stop at second base.

From Magazines, TV and Movies

Sex is no big deal.

Sex is exciting.

Sex feels good.

You will be happy if you have sex.

Sex is always romantic and passionate.

You need big boobs to be sexy.

You need a skinny body to be sexy.

You need tight jeans to be attractive to guys.

You need a lot of makeup and perfect skin to have sex appeal.

Everybody has sex with every boyfriend they ever have.

You don’t even need to have a husband or a boyfriend to have sex! Just do it for fun!

What Else Have You Heard?

There’s a lot of contradiction here, isn’t there? They can’t all be right, so who is?

Decision time!You have to decide what is right. And “right” here doesn’t mean the same thing it does on a test. No way. Right means what is healthy for your body, your emotions and your relationships—now and in the future. Your job is to check out all the messages you get and then decide what your own opinion is. Decide what is healthy for you.

We’ve said it before, but it’s important enough to say again: Some of the people telling you about sex are interested in what’s best for you. They are usually people in relationships with you, people you know well and who care about you when it comes to things other than sex. Others are interested in what’s best for them. They usually want to sell you something or get their own way.

So how do you respond to these ideas and pressures? We’ve just reviewed the messages themselves, now let’s talk about why they are so mixed up.

Oh No, “The Talk”

Lots of parents feel really awkward talking about sex. Maybe it’s because their parents didn’t talk with them. Or maybe they just can’t picture their baby girl as a sexual being. Some parents regret sexual choices they made as teens and are afraid to tell you about it.