Girlology: A Girl's Guide to Stuff that Matters

We realize that making a promise to yourself sounds easy, but sticking to it, especially when your peers are pressuring you, is tough. It takes practice. You have to think of some “comebacks” ahead of time and practice using them in different situations. Here are a few examples:

The PressureComebacksI can't believe you haven't had sex, yet!I can't believe you have!

Oh, then you don't really know me at all. Too bad.

I can't believe you think people our age really have sex. They've got you fooled.If you love him, you'll have sex with him.If he loves me, he'll wait. I'm worth it.

Love's too deep for me right now. I'm just havin' a good time hangin' out with him.Everyone is doing "it."I know plenty of people who aren't, so you're wrong.

Then I must have a lot more respect for myself than they do.

I have a lot of plans for my life, so I'm not going to screw it up by doing something stupid.

You’ve Got the Power to Decide

You’ll probably find that the mixed messages are both true. Sex can be both disappointing and wonderful—depending on when, where, why, how and with whom you do sexual things. It will take some discipline, but the when, where, why, how and with whom are all things you can control. They are all decisions you can make.

Different people have lots of different ideas about sex. Some are healthy for you, some are not. But the awesome thing is that you have the power to make the ultimate decision about what is healthy and right for you. Feels nice to be in charge, doesn’t it?

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Crush or True Love?

So your body is doing strange things, your parents are impossible to figure out, your girlfriends are unpredictable . . . and then there’s all this boy craziness!! It’s a good thing we’re working on Girl Power, because these teen times can seem crazy, especially when you topple head-over-heels for that cute guy in your social studies class. As if there wasn’t already enough to worry about, now you’re stuck wondering how he really feels about you, or if he’s the ONE, or if you’ll ever feel okay again after having your heart splintered into a million pieces.

One of the most exciting, wonderful, amazing and absolutely overwhelming parts of being a teenage girl is that teenage girls (and boys) fall in love. Or do they? Is it love when you can’t sleep at night because you’re thinking about seeing HIM at the game tomorrow? Is it love when your heart races at the sight of his number popping up on caller ID? Is it love when you want to drive by his house a thousand times a day just to see if he’s home? Is it love that makes you want to be with him, only him and nobody else?

It’s something all right. Something powerful and fun and very real, but (we hate to break it to you) it’s probably not true love.

Did you notice anything about all those things that make you feel “in love”? They are all about excitement. You feel tingly; your heart races; you anticipate seeing him or even knowing where he is. They are great while they last, but feelings of excitement can come and go.

True love is more than just feelings of excitement. Feelings of excitement will definitely be there, but you will also feel at peace around him and want to protect him, to build him up so other people will think he’s as great as you do and to help him make his goals and dreams come true. And since none of us is perfect (are you surprised?!), true love also makes you want to overlook his weaknesses or those little, unimportant things he does that get on your nerves.

Sound like more than you bargained for? Maybe he does have a killer smile and great sense of humor, but does all this stuff about protecting, building up, fulfilling dreams and overlooking totally annoying habits seem a little too deep? That’s the cool thing about being a teenager! You don’t have to commit yourself to a guy in a true-love kind of way yet. You get to practice at it for years before you commit to true love!

Be prepared, because those “in love” feelings of excitement come on fast and strong. So fast and strong that a lot of teens believe they are in love after one or two weeks. Guess what? True love takes a long time, even years, to grow and strengthen. What most teens feel (and it is definitely a BEGINNING for love) is a strong attraction, or lust or a crush. Sometimes it’s a REALLY strong attraction, and it can be confusing.

It’s a Wild Ride!

Having a crush is a great feeling. It’s exciting, and it makes you happy and all tingly inside. But the whole reason it’s called “falling” in love, or being “head over heels” about someone, is because it throws you off balance. Crushes have a way of doing just that, “crushing” all your more sensible emotions and other interests. They can take you on a wild, thrilling and often confusing ride of emotions!