Girlology: A Girl's Guide to Stuff that Matters

Guess what. Every single one of these statements is FALSE. Remember, we know from research that most young teens are not having sex, but a lot of them like to make you think they are. Be careful about believing everything a casual friend says about sex. Especially if she sounds like she is bragging or acting superior. It’s probably not true. She’s more likely trying to show off than help you decide what is best for you.

Now your closest friends do want what is best for you. They don’t lie to you on purpose. It’s just that they don’t have all the information you need. But you can count on them to be honest, and together you can read books, talk to trusted adults and find out the truth about sex!

The Talk in the Media

News flash! The media is one group that is not worried about what’s best for you.

Well, let’s take that back for just a minute. There are reporters and shows that provide great factual information that will help you make healthy decisions. And we give them credit. But the media we are talking about are a lot of the advertisers, entertainers and too many shows that are on TV every day. Entire books have been written about how these folks make girls feel bad about themselves and give people wrong impressions about what’s normal.

TV shows make you think that sex always occurs suddenly in a moment of passion or hot sexiness. Guess what? Most sex happens in a more planned way where the couple has thought about it, talked about it and planned for ways to protect themselves

from pregnancy and diseases.

Magazines make you think that sexy women are all ultra skinny, in designer clothes and with perfect skin. Wrong again. Most women are nothing like that. In fact those women in the magazines aren’t really like that either! They have professional hair and makeup artists, wardrobe stylists and top-notch photographers whose jobs are to make them look perfect. Plus the photos are airbrushed or manipulated on a computer to cover up blemishes, cellulite and other imperfections before they are printed. Perfect bodies and skin? We don’t think so!

People get brainwashed into thinking that what they see on TV and in magazines is what’s normal. Lots of girls compare themselves with the models and actresses they see and end up feeling bad about their looks or their clothes. If you want to see what’s really normal, take a look around your school lunchroom. You’ll see girls of all shapes and sizes— short and petite, broad-shouldered and muscular, size 2 and size 16, long hair and short hair, clumsy and graceful. The variety is endless!

Take an Active Role!

If you are like a lot of teen girls, you like reading magazines and watching TV. But you need to learn how to recognize when advertisers and producers are messing with your head. Fight back. If you see a TV show that is unrealistic—like sex between teens with no mention of birth control, diseases or emotional effects—write to the producer. If you see a magazine article or ad that promotes unrealistic bodies, cut it out and write a letter. Quit buying products that use ads that make girls feel bad about themselves, and send a letter to the company to tell them why. Advertisers want your money. That’s the whole reason they make these ads that get attention. Give them the type of attention they deserve— avoid their products and spread the word. Now that feels powerful!!

Unmixing the Message

So here you are. Sitting on a pile of mixed and opposite messages about sex. How do you figure it all out?

You can discuss it with the people who want what is best for you. Your close friends, your parents, trusted adults like teachers, doctors, family members and friends’ moms.

It works like this. First you get a mixed message. For example, you hear from an “experienced” girl that sex is scary, disappointing and gross.

But you know that can’t always be true because why then would anyone ever do it? Plus you hear from your mom that it is also wonderful, intimate and a gift to be enjoyed. You’ve got to decide which is right!

Your close friends can help you figure out exactly what things can make sex so yucky—the time, the place, the boy, your age, the relationship, the kind of sexual thing that girl was doing. You can learn from someone else’s experience, even if it is bad. If you want nothing less than wonderful when it comes to sexual things, then promise yourself to stay away from things that make it yucky. And stick to your promise!

Then go ask your mom what makes sex such a wonderful, intimate gift. Write a list of things that may help make sex a wonderful thing for you some day. Promise yourself that you will stick to that list before you get caught up in the heat of a passionate moment.