Girlology: A Girl's Guide to Stuff that Matters

It’s hard for parents to imagine you as even thinking about sexual things. But their little girl is growing up (sniff, sniff ), and they see you changing a lot. You probably choose clothes and wear makeup to make yourself attractive to guys. You go to “boy-girl parties” where you hang out and maybe even flirt and dance with guys. You might even start to date. Cut your parents some slack! This isn’t exactly easy on them either!

Parents handle the sex talk in lots of different ways. Do any of these sound familiar?1. “Read this book.” Some parents try to ignore the topic completely and just hand over a book like this one. As useful as this book is, it can’t replace honest conversation. If your parents hand you a book and then run in the opposite direction, chase them down and ask questions! Be brave and start the sex conversation yourself!2. “You’ll get pregnant, never finish high school and end up working at McDonald’s your entire life if you have sex.” Yikes! Scare tactics! Guilt! That pregnant/school dropout/McDonald’s thing certainly can happen, but your sexuality involves a lot more than just having sexual intercourse. It can be holding hands, kissing, touching, sharing secrets, emotional closeness and friendship. But sometimes parents are so afraid you will make a big mistake with sex that they are afraid to let you open the door on your sexuality in any way, shape or form. You’ll have to open that door. Respect their privacy, but ask them what choices they made as teens that they are happy with now, twenty or thirty years later. Which ones are they unhappy about? If they don’t want to talk about their personal experiences, respect their privacy. Maybe they would rather tell you stories about some of their friends’ experiences when they were teens.3. “I’m so glad you asked me. I’ve been wanting to talk to you about sex, but I wasn’t sure you were interested yet.” Some parents have no trouble discussing it at all. They are open and honest. They admit their fears and wishes for you as you develop sexually. They explore what a healthy relationship looks like with you and help you identify peer pressure. They give you reasons for wanting you to handle sex a certain way, and they help you decide based on your family’s values.

Different parents can give you different messages about sex, but there is one thing you can be pretty certain of. They want what is best for you. Their opinion is one you can respect, even if they trip all over themselves telling it to you.

The Talk among Teens

Your friends and your boyfriend are right in the thick of this whole sexual development thing with you. Girlfriends are deciding to hold hands with a guy on Monday, to kiss a guy on Thursday, and then changing their minds again. They are experimenting with clothing and makeup styles that are hot and sexy. In doing that, some are finding out that what they wear can send the wrong message about the type of person they are. They are also figuring out the difference between guy friends, boyfriends and crushes. And why do guy friends turn into crushes so easily these days?

Boyfriends are teens just like you—figuring this sex thing out as they go along. Some can be great friends as well as boyfriends. Those are the ones who talk to you about sexual things and respect your wishes. They don’t pressure you to do things you don’t want to do, and you don’t pressure them either. Those are the boyfriends who have what’s best for you in mind.

And just like some girlfriends, some guys don’t have what’s best for you in mind. They are easy to pick out. They are the ones who have their best interests in mind—the guys who cause your girlfriends to say, “Sex is all about the boy.” They may tell you their bodies need sex, or you’ll do it if you love them, or you’re just a prude because everyone is doing it.

Wrong, wrong and wrong again!

Some friends will seem really confident and have tons of information about sex stuff you’ve never even heard of. But they are not experts. Beware of the information you get from other teens about sex. Lots of it is not true. We know. We hear it from our patients every day. Have you ever heard any of this before?• You can’t get pregnant the first time you have sex.

• You can’t get pregnant if you are on your period.

• You can’t get any infections from oral sex.

• Sex is no big deal.

• Everyone is doing it.

• Boys have to have sex to release tension.