Girlology: A Girl's Guide to Stuff that Matters

Rape (also called sexual assault) is when someone is forced into sexual activity. Most of the time, girls are raped by boys or men. If a male forces his penis, finger, tongue or other object into a female’s vagina, anus or mouth, it is rape. This is a violent crime, and there is no excuse for it. It has very little to do with sex but a lot to do with power. Even though it seems like a sexual kind of thing, rapists do not rape for sexual feelings. Instead, rapists rape for power and control.

Unfortunately, when many girls and women are raped, they do not tell anyone or report it to the police because they feel embarrassed or ashamed. No matter how a girl acts or dresses, nothing makes it okay for someone to rape her. Some girls even think they might be partly to blame for it happening, and many girls think they are “ruined” or have “lost their virginity” to a rapist. That’s why rape can confuse girls and make them feel bad about themselves. If you are raped, you aren’t ruined, because it is something that happened to you. You didn’t have a choice in it, and most girls do whatever it takes just to survive the experience. What you do have a choice about is taking care of yourself and getting medical attention so you can heal from it, both physically and emotionally.

Most girls think that rapes happen only in dark alleys or when girls hitchhike. The awful truth is that most girls who are raped are raped by someone they know or have met recently. Most rapes also happen in someone’s home (or apartment or dorm) or another familiar place.

Unfortunately, most rapes happen to teenage girls, and one of the most common types of rape is called date rape. Like it sounds, this happens when a girl is out with a guy she may like, and he forces her to have sex with him. Sometimes the force is real physical force, but sometimes it is by talking her into it when she doesn’t really want to. Sometimes she says no, but he doesn’t listen, and many times, drugs or alcohol are involved. This is another good reason to “just say no” to drugs and alcohol. Even in date rape or drug-related rape, girls still need to get medical attention afterward to help prevent infections and pregnancy and to make sure there are no injuries. The sooner a girl gets medical attention, the better for preventing infections and pregnancy as well as for making sure the victim is okay. If this ever happens to you or someone you know, it is also important to get help to heal emotionally. Going to an emergency room or your doctor is important for getting this type of help.

Again, rape is a crime. It needs to be reported to the police or an adult who can help, and immediate medical attention is very important. Guys who rape once often do it again and again to other girls. By reporting the crime, you can help prevent that. It’s a horrible shame that rape happens, but there’s no reason for the victim to feel ashamed. Tell all your girlfriends that the most important thing is to get help.

No Means No!

Even if you want to mess around and you say it’s okay, sometimes sex can still be a crime. A crime? Yep. Let’s look at a real-life story:

A 14-year-old girl and her boyfriend are kissing and move into heavy petting. She starts to feel uneasy with their actions and asks her boyfriend to stop. He is so sexually excited that he doesn’t listen and doesn’t stop. They end up having sex.

There is a huge problem here. When two people are involved in sexual behaviors, they both have to agree to what they are doing. This is called consent, and it matters a ton! In fact, if someone does not give consent to sex, it is rape. The important thing about consent is that it should be “active,” meaning you both actually agree to sex or sexual touching by saying yes. “Passive” consent doesn’t count, because that’s when you don’t say anything, so he assumes you are okay going along with it. You can’t just assume what others want when it comes to something as personal as sex. So again, sex without consent is rape. As you already know, rape is a crime that is punished by law and can mean prison.

What about the situation above where this is her boyfriend and she was okay with the petting, but not with going all the way? She wouldn’t want to get her boyfriend in trouble, but what he did is absolutely wrong.

Remember, rape is a power issue, not a sex issue. Guys who don’t stop when asked aren’t interested in the girl or her feelings. They are only interested in their own power over her. Any guy can stop, even in the middle of sex, and it won’t hurt him in any way . . . so there’s no excuse. No means NO! Stop means STOP! Be clear about what you want and don’t want.