Girlology: A Girl's Guide to Stuff that Matters

Just as there are a million ways to get to know your boyfriend, there are just as many ways to get to know each other physically without “going all the way.” Adults call it petting. “Light” petting is holding hands, hugging and kissing lightly on the lips. You can also enjoy nonsexual stuff like a great back rub, a shoulder massage or a foot rub. (Foot rub? That would really take some strong feelings to rub the feet of some guys we know! Peeeyooo!) “Heavy” petting is deeper kissing, French kissing and touching each other’s genitals or breasts, either through clothing, under the clothes or undressed. Too often, heavy petting leads to sex if you don’t set limits and stick by them.

You and your boyfriend have to be able to tell each other what feels good, what’s appropriate and okay with you, and what you consider going too far. It can be awkward and a tough decision . . . but if you don’t talk about it, you’ll never be clear about your decisions and can easily get carried away “in the heat of the moment,” especially if your guy is pushy.

And pushy guys are all about what feels good for them. They are all about getting what they want, and they’ll keep pushing and pushing you until they get it. If it’s not what YOU want, you need to set clear limits. Speak up fast and loud and tell him to STOP. Otherwise, you’ll end up feeling bad about the experience and losing respect for yourself . . . we won’t even talk about his respect for you, because there isn’t any if he pushes you beyond what you are comfortable with. He is definitely not a true love. He’s not even worthy of being a boyfriend.

So When Does a Boyfriend Become a True Love?

Now there’s a tough one.

There are zillions of poems, songs, descriptions and explanations written about love. People talk about love all the time—and they associate it with things like your school, your country, music or art. There is also love for people like your family, your friends and unknown people in need all over the world. We even say we “love” something like an ice cream flavor, a girlfriend’s shoes or a movie, when we mean that we really, really, really like it.

But what we’re talking about here is capital L, real, live, soul-mate romantic love. This is the kind that leads people to get married and take care of each other for better and worse, for richer or poorer, for life. Rarely is true love something a teenager, even a mature one, actually experiences. But it IS something you work toward during the trial-and-error phase of crushes and first (and second and third . . .) boyfriends.

Here’s our favorite description of it:Love is patient and kind. Love isn’t jealous and doesn’t brag. It isn’t rude or crude. Love is honest and trusting; it seeks the truth and looks out for the best interests of others. Love doesn’t hold grudges, but gives second chances. Love is hopeful and long lasting and totally, incredibly awesome (taken from 1st Corinthians 13 with our own two cents thrown in).

Learning about true love also means that you are preparing yourself for “Mr. Right” before you even meet him. You are determining your values so you will recognize a guy who shares values with you. You are developing your own plan for sexual involvement with crushes, boyfriends, your true love and the one you might marry.

You are also becoming more and more independent, more of your own individual with strong opinions, talents, interests, goals and dreams. True love means he respects your individuality and you respect his. You encourage each other to “be yourself.” You encourage each other to do things with family and friends independent of each other.

True love means making and respecting sexual boundaries and being able to say no to sex when that is what is healthy for you. Besides, true love lasts forever, right? So remember, you have lots of time. Enjoy the long process of growing and learning more about each other as you develop and mature.

Healthy Relationships

Think about true love and boyfriends. Every now and then a boyfriend might turn into a true love, but too many times, crushes or boyfriends turn out to be not so wonderful. Look at the following scenes and decide whether it is a sign of a healthy (on-the-way-to-true-love) or an unhealthy (never-gonna-get-there) relationship. Why do you think that?