Girlology: A Girl's Guide to Stuff that Matters

HealthyThe Scenario . . .Unhealthy He wants you with him all the time and gets angry if you want to spend time with your friends.  You feel comfortable talking to him about what you do and don't feel comfortable with sexually.  He makes all the decisions about where the two of you hang out and what you do.  You want to introduce him to all of your family.  You feel like he doesn't listen to the things you talk about, but he talks about himself all the time.  He gets in a fight after school with another guy who was flirting with you.  You feel angry when he tells you that he doesn't like holding hands in public.  He respects your need for privacy  When you are hanging out in a group of friends, he gets a laugh out of "making fun of you" in front of everyone.  You tell your girlfriends every move he makes and the secrets he shares with you.  He does thoughtful things for you, and is respectful to your parents.  You feel like you need to impress him by buying and wearing certain clothes, even though they're not really "you."  You can talk to him about your fears or your beliefs or things that matter to you.

Sometimes a guy is fun and cute and great about letting you be yourself, but he’s lacking in other areas, like he may not be so cool around your parents or your friends. Guys are guys, which means they aren’t perfect. So you don’t have to hold yours up to an unreachable standard. But we do think that girls with Girl Power should be able to spot a good guy when they meet one (or as they get to know one), and can pick out a bad one, too.

Red Flags

And there are some bad ones out there. Ever heard of “red flags”? Red flags are big-time warnings, the equivalent of a red card in soccer, meaning “out of the game—now!” In relationships, you have to watch for red flags. Here’s a list of red flags to help clue you in to an unhealthy relationship should you hook up with a bad, or even dangerous, guy. These are things that should be a deal breaker, no excuses allowed . . . out of the dating game—now!

Is he overly jealous? (Remember, love is not jealous, so don’t fool yourself into thinking he just likes you SOOO much if he gets jealous too easily.)

Does he get angry if you even talk to another guy?

Does he make you feel guilty if you do things with your friends or your family instead of him?

Does he use crude or disrespectful language when talking about girls or women in general?

Is he mean to animals?

Does he like to start fights or act like he will?

Does he blame you when he gets angry?

Is he EVER physically rough?

Does he use insulting words toward you or your friends?

Does he embarrass you in public?

Does he push you to do things sexually that you are not ready for?

Does he cheat or steal or use drugs?

Protecting Yourself

Some of this sounds scary. We don’t want to scare you about relationships, but we do want you to know what can be lurking out there. Plus, if you want to figure out what true love is like, it helps to know what it’s not like.

We’re sure you know by now that some guys out there are “real losers,” and we can’t always control or stay away from them. Nobody can protect herself from all bad things, but you can keep yourself out of some risky and dangerous situations. As you gain more and more independence, this list of ways to protect yourself becomes more and more important:• Get out of a relationship that has a red flag.

• Never accept a ride from a guy or man you don’t know very well.

• Never experiment with drugs or alcohol around guys.

• Never agree to go alone to a guy’s apartment, room or house.

• Don’t accept a drink from someone if you don’t know him well or aren’t sure where it came from.

• Never, ever agree to go by yourself to meet someone in person whom you have met on the Internet.

• Do not give away any personal information on the Internet that would allow someone to locate you (name, address, phone number, school, location of after-school activities, etc.).

Enjoy Your Boyfriend

Now that we’ve gotten the “evil boyfriend” information out of the way, let’s get back to the good guys. There are lots of them out there! If you are spending time getting to know guys’ interests, talents and values, it will be easy to pick out the good ones. And the good ones are guys who can be friends and boyfriends!

When you find a good guy, boyfriends can be a blast! We still remember the first time our boyfriends surprised us and held our hands, the first time we slow danced and the first kisses we ever had. These are all occasions and feelings to cherish. We bet you’ll remember them for a lifetime, too, so enjoy your boyfriend no matter what age you are, just make sure you stay in control!