Girlology: A Girl's Guide to Stuff that Matters

This is an awesome, powerful, exciting time of your life. As a young teen, your body is changing, your feelings are changing, your thoughts are changing, your relationships are changing, guys are changing. You are up for the challenge, aren’t you? Remember those two big tasks you must complete before you become an adult? The first is becoming independent. The second is figuring out “who you are.” In this chapter we will work on figuring out who you are. That means figuring out what you value.

Values are things you consider important. They are principles, ideas and beliefs that help you make decisions. Each person should live her life according to her values. And if you are true to your values, your values will guide your behavior.

It works like this. If you value a clean environment, you don’t pollute. If you value honesty, you tell the truth. If you value your health, you don’t smoke cigarettes. It’s easy to stick to your values when it’s convenient, like when telling the truth doesn’t get you in any trouble, or the trash can is right next to you, or your friends gag every time they smell cigarette smoke.

But values are things that don’t change even if they aren’t easy to follow. So to be true to your values, you’ll have to keep the environment clean even when the trash can is all the way on the other side of the park. You’ll have to tell the truth even when it makes you look bad. You’ll have to turn down cigarettes even when the most gorgeous guy in school flips out a pack and offers you a smoke.

Sticking to your values when it’s hard is called building character. And it’s not easy! How much fun is it to tell the truth when you are the one who will get in trouble? Or lug your trash all the way across the park when everybody else is darting off to the basketball court? Or turn down cigarettes when the cool girls say it looks sophisticated?

It’s difficult. But at the end of the day, you can look yourself in the mirror and say, “You know, that was tough, but I stuck to my values and that feels good!” It’s a choice you make, tough or easy. And it’s a great way to practice your Girl Power!

What Do I Value?

All of this is to say that values are important! They are the foundation of that deep question, “Who am I?” And you are at the perfect age to start answering that question! You don’t have to know for certain what you want to be when you grow up, where you will go to college or who you will marry. But you do have to start thinking about how you want to act and what you think is important. You do have to think about what you value.

Deep stuff, huh? But you really already know a lot about values. Your parents, your grandparents, your other family members and other caregivers have taught you values your entire life. You have also learned from teachers, religious leaders and coaches along the way. Take some time and think about the values you have already learned. Pay attention. Write them down. Keep a list.

Remember, values are ideas and principles plus action. So if your parents value education, they make sure you complete your assignments every day and discuss your subjects with you. If your grandmother values the arts, she takes you to art exhibits, concerts and recitals. If your religious leader values loving your neighbor, she takes you to the soup kitchen to serve people less fortunate than you. Bet you’ve learned more than you thought!

The Friend Factor

You are still learning a lot about values from the adults in your life, but as we said at the beginning of this book, things are changing! Now that you are an adolescent, you are paying more attention to your friends and other teens who may not have the same values you do. Your friends with other values will challenge what you believe in. That’s when it’s most important to understand your own values. If you are not sure what your values are, look to your family and the people who care about you to help you decide. Check out that list you’ve been keeping!

There are some values that should be universal. That means that most everyone in the universe agrees with them. Obviously, there will always be crazy, mixed-up people, like criminals and tyrant leaders who don’t fit in to “our” universe, and that’s why they seem crazy and mixed up, because they don’t follow the values that normal people live by. For example, we can probably say that most people value the Earth, fairness, justice, safety, freedom and relationships with others.