Girlology: A Girl's Guide to Stuff that Matters

Crushes Crushes can be sort of strange and unexpected, too. Like when you have a crush on an older guy you might not even know, or maybe a teacher or a coach or the drummer from the local high school rock band. Or, of course, celebrities— with all their glitz and glamour and sex appeal—might infatuate you. Girls can even have a kind of “crush” on another girl, too. That doesn’t mean you are gay. A crush is just someone you idealize and want to be around, someone you want to know more about, someone who sometimes makes you do silly things. As you get to know them better (if you do—sometimes you never even meet the person!), a crush may turn into a good friend (guy or girl) or a boyfriend.

The End

Of course the flip side of the fun of boyfriends is the fizzle. As a middle or high schooler, you’ll learn that all good romances (and hopefully the bad ones!) will come to an end; it’s part of this trial-and-error phase of growing up. You will develop new and different interests or realize that there are lots of other “fish in the sea.” And you should! This is the natural course of things for teens. But sorry to say, that doesn’t make it any easier when the breakup happens. The old-school song says it best, “Breaking up IS hard to do. . . .”

How do you handle it when your boyfriend “breaks your heart”? Do you hate him, become spiteful and talk bad about him to all your friends? We hope not. How do you break it to him when you’re the one calling it quits? Get a friend to do your dirty work for you? Just start giving him the cold shoulder while you flirt with other guys? We hope not. If your relationship is based on respect and friendship in the first place (and we hope it is), then a breakup should be done with respect, too. It’s still gonna hurt, but if you do it right—in a way that is gentle and gives as many honest reasons as you can—then your friendship will survive. Even though guys try not to show it, they have feelings and they get broken hearts, too.

Remember, this is still trial-and-error time. You’re going to make some mistakes (and he is too!), so think about what worked and what didn’t, what hurt more than it should have and what you might be able to do differently next time, so that breaking up gets easier. Maybe these tips from experienced heartbreakers will help:• If you’re the one doing the breaking up, and you see it coming, give a few gentle hints to lead up to it.

• Be honest!! Don’t make up excuses or blame him for things that aren’t true just to make it easier for you. It’ll backfire in the end.

• Go easy on him. No need to spread rumors, burn bridges or rub noses in the dirt.

• If he’s the one who calls it off, don’t let your hurt turn into anger. Spite never healed a broken heart.

• Be patient with yourself. You WILL get over it, all in good time. Use it as an opportunity to reconnect with family, girlfriends or guy friends you may have ignored more than usual when you were busy with your boyfriend.

• If he starts going out with one of your good friends, try to be understanding. Keep your friendship and their relationship separate. It’s not about you anymore!

The bottom line is, how you handle a breakup situation says a lot about how you handle relationships in general. Your level of maturity, honesty, trustworthiness and kind-heartedness is an important part of your reputation among guys and girls. Nobody said it’d be easy, but it’s always easier to do it right!!

Choices to Make!

You are not likely to find true love in your teen years, especially your early teen years. But you do get to have some fun practicing at true love. You do get to feel the excitement of crushes, enjoy getting to know guys as friends and love interests, and feel the first urges of sexual desire.

This is a time full of choices you get to make. And making choices that protect your body, your heart and your emotions will increase your power—your Girl Power!

You get to choose how you will get to know a crush better. You get to choose what physical things you will do with a boyfriend. You get to choose the good guys and leave the bad guys behind at the first sign of a “red flag.” Remember that you are “in training” for the day when you will meet your real true love. Learn, remember and enjoy every minute of it!

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When Is What Okay?