Lucky Jim

'You're a bit shocked, aren't you?'

'Well, no, not that exactly. Not in the ordinary way, that is. It's just that he seems such a queer fish for you to have… gone for in that way.'

'Not so queer as all that. His determination's rather a good thing about him, you know. And he's very attractive in his way.'

'Is he?' Dixon's mouth tightened.

'And, well, old Cecil isn't much of a boy for that kind of business, as you can imagine. We've more or less packed it in, that side of things.

The trouble is that I still quite like it.'

'And so does Bertrand, eh?'

' Of course, the thing's been dragging on for some time now. We'd been getting rather fed-up. Bertrand was always in London hopping into bed with people, the Loosmore girl chiefly, and I'd been getting sick of his line about being a great artist and so on. Then it flared up again the last time he was down. I think perhaps Christine wasn't coming up to scratch, or not quickly enough, possibly.'

'Oh, then you don't think they've…?'

'Hard to say. I should think not, on the whole. She doesn't seem the type, really; at least, she doesn't talk or behave like it, though she does look it in a way. It depends how deep that prim, prissy look of hers goes. Still, the point is that he gets me all lined up for the Ball, with a hint of other things to follow, and then tells me he's not taking me after all in front of that mother of his, and in front of dear Margaret too. That's what annoyed me in the first place.

Then he starts trying to conciliate me in front of Christine this evening. That got me down again. Then he takes me in here for a dance and tries to laugh the whole thing off by treating me man-to-man and telling me I know what little girls like Christine are like and how I'm not the sort of person he's always taken me for if I let that sort of thing interfere in a friendship - note that - between two adults - note that too. Oh, I know I oughtn't to be taking it like this, but…

Honestly, Jim, it does get you down, the whole thing. I feel so fed-up with it all. I don't even want to bash his brains out any more.'

Dixon had been studying her face during this speech. The movements of her mouth were beautifully decisive, and her voice, abandoning its synthetic fuzziness, had returned to its usual clarity. These things helped to give her presence a solidity and emphasis that impressed him; he felt not so much her sexual attraction as the power of her femaleness. It was just as well that her married status put her beyond his ambition, since even their friendship demanded reserves of an attention, of a sort of mental and emotional integrity he wasn't sure he really possessed. After a short pause he said hurriedly: 'How have you managed to keep all this out of Cecil's way?'

'You don't think I haven't told him all about it, do you? I wouldn't dream of doing anything behind his back.'

Dixon fell silent again, reflecting, not for the first time, that he knew absolutely nothing whatsoever about other people or their lives.

Then Carol's face moved out of the shadow. Though quick to detect a change in expression, he wasn't usually observant of the actual lineaments of people's faces, but this time he saw clearly that the outline of her lips was slightly blurred and there were two well-marked lines in her cheeks. When she spoke again he noticed something else: that the whiteness and regularity of her top teeth gave place to a bkck gap beyond the canines. He felt uncomfortable again.

'The only thing to settle now is what you're going to do about Christine, Jim.'

'I've told you: nothing.'

' Put dear Margaret out of your mind for once.'

'Nothing to do with her. It's just that I… well, I don't want to try anything on with Christine, that's all.'

'I've heard that one before, but it's a good one. I always laugh at that one.'

'No, honestly, Carol. I'd much rather see her once or twice and not do anything about it - what could I do about it anyway? She's a bit out of my class, don't you think? If I did try to do anything I'd only get sent off with a flea in my ear. We're both tied up with other…" ' You sound as if you're in love with her.'

'Do you think so?' he said almost eagerly; he couldn't help regarding her remark as a compliment - one that he'd been needing for a long time, too.

' Yes. Your attitude measures up to the two requirements of love. You want to go to bed with her and can't, and you don't know her very well.

Ignorance of the other person topped up with deprivation, Jim. You fit the formula all right, and what's more you want to go on fitting it. The old hopeless passion, isn't it? There are no two doubts about that, as Cecil used to say before I broke him of it.'

'That's rather adolescent, isn't it? If you don't mind me saying so.'

'Yes, it is, isn't it? Have you got a cigarette, Jim?… Thanks. Yes, I was quite sure when I was about fifteen that that was the way things worked, only nobody could afford to admit it.'

'Well, there you are, then.'