Lucky Jim

'I just explained things to Uncle Julius - he never minds what I do - and then I just told Bertrand I was going.'

'How did he react to that?'

'He said, "Oh, don't do that, I'll be with you in a minute." Then he went on talking to Mrs Goldsmith and Uncle. So I came away then.'

'I see. It all sounds very easy and quick.'

'Oh, it was.'

'Well, I'm very glad you decided to come with me after all.'

'Good. I couldn't help feeling guilty rather, at first, about walking out on them all, but that's worn off now.'

'Good. What finally made you make up your mind?'

After a silence, she said: 'I wasn't enjoying it much in there, as you know, and I started feeling awfully tired, and it didn't look as if Bertrand could leave for some time, so I thought I'd come along with you.'

She said this in her best schoolmistressy way, elocution-mistressy in fact, so Dixon repeated as stiffly: 'I see.' In the light of a street-lamp he could see her sitting, as he'd expected, on the very edge of the seat That was that, then.

She suddenly broke in again in her other manner, the one he associated with their phone conversation: 'No, I'm not going to try and get away with that. That's only a part of it. I don't see why I shouldn't tell you a bit more. I left because I was feeling absolutely fed-up with everything.' "That's a bit sweeping. What had fed you up in particular?'

'Everything. I was absolutely fed-up. I don't see why I shouldn't tell you this. I've been feeling very depressed recently, and it all seemed to get too much for me tonight.'

'A girl like you's got no call to be depressed about anything, Christine,' Dixon said warmly, then at once fell against the window and banged his elbow smartly on the door as the taxi lurched aside in front of a row of petrol pumps. Behind these was an unlit building with a painted sign, faintly visible, reading /Car's for hire - Eatesons - Repair's. /Dixon got out, ran to a large wooden door, and began to pound irregularly upon it, wondering whether, or how soon, to add shouts to his summons. While he waited, he ran over in his mind some handy all-purpose phrases of abusive or menacing tendency against the appearance of a garage-man unwilling to serve him. A minute passed; he went on thumping while the taxi-driver slowly joined him, his very presence a self-righteously pessimistic comment. Dixon laid down for himself the general lines of an appropriate face, involving free and unusual use of the lips and tongue and endorsed by manual gestures. Just then a light sprang up inside and very quickly the door was opened. A man appeared and declared himself able and willing to serve petrol.

During the next couple of minutes Dixon was thinking not about this man but about Christine. He was filled with awe at the thought that she seemed, not only not to dislike him to any significant extent, but to trust him as well And how wonderful she was, and how lucky he was to have her there. The admissions, the implied confessions about his feelings for her he'd made to Carol, had seemed outlandish at the time; now they seemed perfectly natural and just. The next half-hour or so formed the only chance he'd ever have of doing anything whatever about those feelings. For once in his life Dixon resolved to bet on his luck. What luck had come his way in the past he'd distrusted, stingily held on to until the chance of losing his initial gain was safely past. It was time to stop doing that.

Dixon paid the garage-man and the taxi moved off. 'You haven't any reason to be depressed, I was saying,' he said.

'I don't see how you can know that,' she said, severely again.

'No, of course I can't know it, but I shouldn't think you have too bad a time on the whole,' he said with an ease that surprised him. He could see that she needed time and encouragement to work back to her more open manner, and reflected that this sort of perception was as unfamiliar in him as all the other things he was feeling. 'I'd have put you down as somebody reasonably successful in most things.'

'I didn't mean to sound like a martyr. You're right, of course, I do have a good time and I've been very lucky in all sorts of ways. But, you know, I do find some things awfully difficult. I don't really know my way around, you know.'

Dixon wanted to kugh. He couldn't imagine any woman of her age less in need of such lore. He said as much.

'No, it's perfectly true,' she insisted. 'I haven't had a chance to find out yet.'

'You mustn't mind me saying this, but I should have thought there'd be plenty of people only too willing to show you.'

'I know, I see what you mean exactly, but they don't try to. They assume I know already, you see.' She was talking animatedly now.

'Oh, they do, do they? How's that, would you say?'

'I think it must just be because I look as if I'm full of poise and that sort of thing. I look as if I know all about how to behave, and all that Two or three people have told me that, so it must be right. But it's only the way I look.'