Midsummer's Eve

I tried to comfort her. I said that perhaps if he was so weak it was better for them to part. She would not have it. Her heart was broken. Life had become intolerable to her.

Those were wretched days.

I wanted to leave London. I wanted to put all that had happened behind me. But I did know that I was the only one to whom Helena could talk and I felt I could not leave her.

My parents wrote to say that in view of our departure in September, and the scandal about Uncle Peter and because there was to be no wedding, I should return home. I would have to make certain preparations and although they had been going to pick me up on the way to Tilbury, it would now be more convenient for me to return home so that we could all set out together.

When I mentioned the matter to Helena she looked stricken although she said nothing.

Then I had an idea. "Helena," I said, "why don't you come with me? You'll get right away and there is nothing like leaving something behind to get it out of your mind.”

She replied that nothing could get this out of her mind; but I could see that she was so eager not to lose me that she wanted to come.

So very soon after that Helena and I left for Cornwall.

I was glad to be home. It was good to see Jacco again. He was always particularly affectionate after long absences.

My parents were very kind and gentle to Helena and I fancied she seemed a little better away from the place where so much that was tragic had happened to her.

Rolf was away. His father had died suddenly of a heart attack.

"Poor Rolf," said my mother. "He is very sad. He is away now, staying with friends in the Midlands. It was such a blow. We were all so fond of Mr. Hanson.”

Later I had several talks with my mother, who was of the opinion that Helena was better off without John Milward since he lacked the courage to stand out against his parents. After all, he was of age.

My mother and I used to go for long walks together along the cliffs during the mornings.

Helena usually stayed in her room until luncheon. That seemed to be what she wanted and we thought we should indulge her all we could.

It gave me a chance to be with my mother. I was realizing how much I had missed her while I had been away.

One day as we lay on the grass of the cliffs looking out to sea watching the seagulls flying high and then swooping down to capture some item of food, she said to me: "Tell me, what did Peter Lansdon do when the news about his connection with these clubs came out?”

"Do? Oh nothing much. He was quite nonchalant about it. Yes, it was true, he said.

And then he reminded his family how they had benefitted from his money.”

"Poor Amaryllis.”

"Don't worry about her. She thinks Uncle Peter is always right. It's Helena I'm sorry for.”

"I've got something to tell you, Annora, about your Uncle Peter. I've told your father.

It was a secret even from him but now I can tell you. I said I thought you should know and he agreed with me. I know you liked Joe Cresswell. But what about Rolf?”

"What about him?”

"Your father and I used to think that you and Rolf would make a match of it one day.

I know he is a little older than you but now you're growing up that's not so much.

What we want is your happiness of course. We've always had such a soft spot for Rolf ... living so close ... being like one of the family really. At one time you admired him so much. We used to laugh about it. So did Mr. Hanson. It was almost an understood thing between us. Then you seemed to change.”

"I was growing up.”

"But you do like him, don't you?”

"Yes, of course I do.”

"Your father would be very pleased. He says we know Rolf and that's what we like about it.”

"You never really know people," I said quickly. "Not all about them.”

"Well, we all have our secrets ...”

I knew that she was uneasy, that she was thinking about what she had said she would tell me, that she was reluctant to do so and that was why she had gone on talking of other things, as though postponing the moment.

"Remember, my darling," she said now, "what we want more than anything is your happiness.

Of course we'll like you to be somewhere near us. Parents are like that, but we have to remind ourselves that it is not for us to choose. I hope you'll talk to us. Sometimes talking can help.”

"I know it can and if there was something I wanted to talk about I'd talk to you ... first.”

She kissed me. There was a brief silence and still she was hesitating. I imagined she was steeling herself. She said quickly: "Has this Joe Cresswell disappointed you in some way? You shouldn't blame him for his father's affairs, you know.”

"I don't. In any case I believe his father was innocent of what they blamed him for.

I suppose you read about the case?”

She nodded.

"Isn't it time you told me what you were going to?”

She hesitated and then said quickly: "I ... I knew about Peter Lansdon's affairs.

I discovered long ago, before I married your father.”

"You didn't say," I said.

"I couldn't. He blackmailed me. It was a case of double blackmail.”

"You!”