Midsummer's Eve

"Yes. You see, my dearest child, out of necessity, people sometimes do things you would least suspect them of. You've lived all your life sheltered and not really coming face to face with emotions and temptations which beset most of us at some time. You know your father was my second husband.”

"Yes, of course.”

"My first husband was a good, kind, gentle man. I married him without really being in love with him. It was always your father ... but you know about him and his term in Australia. There's no secret about that. My first husband was hurt in an accident. He was crippled before our marriage. I tried to be a good wife to him ... and then your father came back. You don't understand yet what love can be like.

It was necessary to us both. I was your father's mistress before my first husband was dead. Peter Lansdon found this out.”

"Oh, Mama ...”

"It was a desperate situation.”

"He blackmailed you.”

"In a way. He's a strange man. He is bent on one thing-getting on in the world, making everyone dance to his tune. He is the most ambitious man I ever knew. I found out something about him ... I found out that which has now become public knowledge.”

"About the clubs?" I said.

"Yes ... the sort they were. He was up to his tricks even then. Juggling with events so that he could be in the right place at the right moment.”

"Do you think he arranged what happened to Joseph Cresswell?”

"I am sure he did. It was his way of working. I found out this and we made a pact.

He would keep quiet about your father and me if I would about him. I agreed. He was not the sort of man to break his word ... unless it was necessary for him to do so. He doesn't want revenge on people for the purpose of harming them. He acts only to bring benefit to himself. I feel I know him so well. It was your Joe Cresswell who exposed him, wasn't it? And you thought that was wrong ...”

I said: "He told me he wanted to see me. He came to the house and when I went out of the room to get some wine for which he asked, he went upstairs and broke into Uncle Peter's room. You see, but for my carelessness he wouldn't have got into that room, he wouldn't have had his proof. Helena would still be engaged ... almost married by now to John Milward.”

"And you're blaming Joe?”

"What he did was wrong. Nothing has been put right. He wanted to prove that his father had been trapped ... and no one wants to know about that now. He can in any case only rely on Chloe's evidence and nobody trusts her. She's a well-known adventuress.

It all seems so unnecessary. Why couldn't he let it rest? It's done no good to his father and it's ruined Helena's life.”

"You're right," she said. "But you must understand Joe's feelings.”

"I do. But I can't forget the sight of him when I came into that room which he had forced open and saw him putting those papers into his breast pocket.”

"I just wanted you to know, Annora, that we are none of us perfect. Your father and I ... well, we were very much in love ... and there was my husband, a helpless invalid. You see, we are all weak. Do realize that, Annora. Don't judge people too harshly.”

I lay there staring out to sea, rather bewildered by what she had told me. I could picture Peter Lansdon laying down his rules. She must not tell and he would not tell.

And my mother had entered into the bargain with him to save her first husband from the knowledge that she had a lover; and because her love for my father was so strong she could not resist it even though she was committing adultery.

I must try to understand Joe.

But I should always remember his standing there with the papers in his hands as I should remember Rolf that Midsummer's Eve.

After that talk with my mother, I tried to reason with myself. I expected too much from people. I must try to understand Joe's motives. I must try to convince myself that Rolf's feelings had got the better of him. He had thrown himself wholeheartedly into the past; he had imagined that he was living centuries ago when people tortured witches; for a night he had shed his shell of civilization and become one of those people whose customs interested him so much.

I must be understanding. I must realize that I was, as my mother said, young and I had seen little of the world.

But I could not forget.

Preparations for our departure were going on apace.

"I wish you weren't going," sighed Helena.

"You'll feel better when you're back in London. It won't be as bad as it was. They are right when they say time heals.”

"I can't go back, Annora. I don't want to. I wish I could stay here.”

Then the idea came to me. "Helena, why shouldn't you come with us to Australia?”

I saw the wonder dawning on her face.

There was a great deal of discussion about it. My mother wrote to Aunt Amaryllis.

She had always had great influence with her. "I was like the dictatorial elder sister,”

she used to say.

The result was that both Uncle Peter and Aunt Amaryllis thought it might be a good idea for Helena to accompany us.