Princess' Diaries

I could only stare at Michael after that.Wow. Why doesn’t Grandmère teach me stuff likethat at our princess lessons? I mean, this is information I could actually use. I don’t exactly need to know which direction to tip my soup bowl. I need to know how to defend myself from virulent antiroyalists like my ex–best friend Lilly.

Lilly:(to Michael) Shut up. (to me) I see they already have you spouting off their populist propaganda like a good little girl.

Me: Me?Michael’s the one who—

Michael:Aw, Lilly, you’re just jealous.

Lilly:I am not!

Michael:Yes, you are. You’re jealous because she got her hair cut without consulting you. You’re jealous because you stopped talking to her and she went out and got a new friend. And you’re jealous because all this time Mia’s had this secret she didn’t tell you.

Lilly:Michael, SHUT UP!

Boris:(leaning out of the supply closet door) Lilly? Did you say something?

Lilly:I WASN’T TALKING TO YOU, BORIS!

Boris:Sorry. (goes back into closet)

Lilly:(really mad now) Gosh, Michael, you sure are quick to come to Mia’s defense all of a sudden. I wonder if maybe it ever occurred to you that your argument, while ostensibly based on logic, might have less intellectual than libidinous roots.

Michael:(turning red for some reason) Well, what about your persecution of the Hos? Is that rooted in intellectual reasoning? Or is it more an example of vanity run amok?

Lilly:That’s a circular argument.

Michael:It isn’t. It’s empirical.

Wow. Michael and Lilly are so smart. Grandmère’s right: I need to improve my vocabulary.

Michael:(to me) So does this guy (he pointed at Lars) have to follow you around everywhere from now on?

Me:Yes.

Michael:Really?Everywhere?

Me:Everywhere except the ladies’ room. Then he waits outside.

Michael:What if you were to go on a date? Like to the Cultural Diversity Dance this weekend?

Me:That hasn’t exactly been an issue, considering that no one’s asked me.

Boris:(leaning out of the supply closet) Excuse me. I accidentally knocked over a bottle of rubber cement with my bow, and it’s getting hard to breathe. Can I come out now?

Everyone in the G & T room:NO!!!

Mrs. Hill:(poking her head in from the hallway) What’s all this noise in here? We can hardly hear ourselves think in the teachers’ lounge. Boris, why are you in the supply closet? Come out now. Everybody else, get back to work!

I need to take a closer look at that article in today’sPost. Three hundred million dollars?? That’s as much as Oprah made last year!