The Complete Yes Minister

[At the beginning of March Jim Hacker came within a hair’s-breadth of involving himself in a scandal that would have rocked the government and brought an ignominious and premature end to his political career. Ironically Hacker would have found himself taking responsibility for events with which he had no real connection or involvement – but for which, as Minister, he would have been answerable – Ed.]

March 2nd

I arrived at the office in a rather good mood today. I’d done all my boxes. I was feeling thoroughly on top of the job. I’d handled all my PQs [Parliamentary Questions – Ed.] rather well yesterday, given a good speech last night at a dinner, and was looking forward to a broadcast that I’m due to make tomorrow. All splendid publicity. I find that people are at last beginning to know who I am, as a result of the high profile I’ve been managing recently.

I asked Bernard what the broadcast discussion would be about. NATO, I thought. Bernard said that, in fact, it would be about co-partnership in industry.

I knew it was something like that. Some sort of partnership, at any rate.

The discussion would contain the usual compulsory BBC ingredients – one politician, one employer and one trades unionist.

I noticed that the trades unionist in question was Joe Morgan, who had been the TUC representative on the Solihull project. I remarked that this was good, because it meant we could talk about the project on the air.

To my surprise, this rather non-controversial remark was greeted with much anxiety by Sir Humphrey.

‘Minister, you’re not proposing to refer to the Solihull project on the air?’

‘I certainly am,’ I said. ‘It’s a shining example of a successful collaboration between government and private industry.’

‘Why do you say that?’ he asked.

For a moment, I couldn’t think why. Then I remembered. ‘Because you said it was,’ I pointed out. ‘Why? Have you changed your mind?’

‘No,’ he said carefully, ‘but . . . I would be much happier if you omitted such references from the broadcast.’

‘Why?’ I asked.

He said it was premature. I pointed out that work started on the project six months ago, so it could not possibly be described as premature.

‘Precisely,’ he said, ‘rather out of date in fact.’

Remarkable! Premature and out of date?

Humphrey amended this foolishness instantly. He simply meant ‘untimely’, he claimed. So again, I asked him why?

‘What I mean is, don’t you think it will be rather uninteresting to the general public?’ he whined.

I couldn’t see why. It’s an example of partnership in industry that is really happening. Now. Extremely interesting. I said so.

Humphrey seemed to be getting desperate. ‘Quite so, Minister,’ he said. ‘It is so interesting, in fact, that there is a danger that it will obscure the main point that you wanted to make on the broadcast.’

‘What is my main point?’ I asked, suddenly unable to remember.

Humphrey also seemed to go blank. ‘Bernard, what is the Minister’s main point?’

Bernard reminded us. ‘That private projects are more socially responsible with government money, and government projects are more efficient with private investment.’

This was precisely my main point. And reference to the Solihull project will obviously underline it. Humphrey really is a wet blanket. He just goes around stirring up apathy.

But he was still not satisfied. ‘Minister,’ he persisted. ‘I must advise you very seriously with all the earnestness at my command that you do not refer to the Solihull project on the air tomorrow.’

Again I asked why? Again he dodged. But, by now, I had guessed. ‘Could it be,’ I enquired coldly, ‘that you are planning to take all the credit for this scheme at next month’s European Convention of Government Administration?’

Humphrey said, ‘I beg your pardon?’ – in other words, he didn’t deny it! So I knew I was right. And I really tore him off a strip.

‘Your keynote speech will be well reported, won’t it? Well, let me explain some facts of life, Humphrey. Politicians are the ones who are ultimately responsible to the people, and it is we who get the credit. Not civil servants.’

Humphrey intervened. He assured me that he would be only too happy for me to take the credit for this project, as long as it wasn’t tomorrow. Liar!

I brushed this procrastination aside. ‘Humphrey,’ I told him firmly, ‘I am not going to fall for it. I am going to make all the political capital I can out of this Solihull project – I know a good thing when I see one.’