The Long Glasgow Kiss

‘My pleasure. How’s everything else going?’ Twinkletoes was leaning forward, elbows on knees, turning his smile to me. It was a huge wide smile in a huge wide head between huge wide shoulders. Twinkletoes was friendly bulk that could be turned into unfriendly bulk at the flick of a switch. ‘I heard you was going around with a posh bit of skirt,’ he said.

For a moment I thought he meant Sheila Gainsborough. Then I twigged. ‘Oh, yes … Lorna MacFarlane. Small Change’s daughter. She does have a bit of class. Unusual around here. A bit of class and a little sophistication. I go for that in a woman.’

‘Aye? Personally I go for big tits and a fanny tighter than a Fifer’s fist.’

I didn’t get a chance to frame an answer before the Victorian stained-glass panel doors that joined the foyer to the main part of the baths swung open and Sneddon, in an expensive wide-shouldered camel sports coat, tieless and with his shirt’s top button undone, emerged pink-faced and flanked by another of his heavies.

‘Sorry, am I interrupting something?’ he asked facetiously, noticing that I was somewhat lost for words.

‘No … I was just getting a few romantic tips from Charles Boyer here.’

Sneddon went across to reception and scribbled into the log that lay open on the desk.

‘I’ve signed you in,’ he said. ‘Let’s go and get a drink. Twinkle … you and Tam wait here. I won’t be long.’

Sneddon led me through into a large clubroom. It was the kind of place where they could have cut down on the decorating costs by simply wallpapering it with five-pound notes. If anything, it was more over-the-top than the Merchants’ Carvery. The furniture was all polished hardwood and leather and the velvet drapes were a deep crimson. The walls were dressed in flock wallpaper – burgundy red fleur-de-lis against cream damask – so thick you could vacuum it. A vast onyx-type marble fireplace dominated one wall. I imagined that this was what hell looked like if you had a first-class ticket.

Sneddon led the way to a corner at the far side and sat down on two-and-a-half cows’ worth of red leather. I sat across the coffee table from him, on the rest of the herd. There were deep red velvet drapes behind us and I felt as if we were in a crimson cave.

‘Listen, Mr Sneddon … you’ve hired me to do a job. But you can’t ask me to do a job and then give me only half the story. You’re holding back vital information. I understand that you’ve got your interests to protect and there are some things I’d probably be better off not knowing, but in this case it means I’ve been up more blind alleys than a Blythswood Square floozy.’ I paused while a burgundy-jacketed waiter came over with two malt whiskies on a silver tray. I waited until he had gone before continuing. ‘The police have got Tommy Gun Furie for Small Change’s murder. And it looks to me like a set-up. More than that, it looks to me like a very well-thought-out set-up. Timing was everything with this. Tommy Furie was summoned to MacFarlane’s by someone calling the gym he trained in. Someone knew he was going to be in the gym at that time on that night and that they could get a message to him. My guess is that Small Change was still alive when they made that ’phone call and they only killed him after they knew Furie was on his way. Which means they were pretty confident that they could reschedule the whole thing if they had to. That would suggest that they were very familiar with Small Change’s routine.’

‘So why does this mean that I’ve been holding back on you? Are you saying I had something to do with Small Change getting topped?’

‘No. But I am saying that this appointment book you asked me to look for has nothing to do with bare-knuckle fights. Big money bare-knuckle fights. And if I’m right, then you have more to worry about than whether the police put you in MacFarlane’s house for a meeting. Tommy Gun Furie was one of the fighters MacFarlane lined up for you. And right now his own lawyer is telling him he’ll be lucky not to take a short walk to a long drop through a trapdoor in Barlinnie prison. He’s going to tell the coppers everything he can to try to save his neck. Literally. And somewhere along the line your name is going to come up. The only way out of it is for us to find out who really did kill MacFarlane and why.’

Sneddon looked at me with a steady gaze: the steady gaze of a crocodile looking at an antelope.

‘Okay,’ he said at last. ‘There was some stuff I was trying to keep to myself. But it doesn’t get the pikey out of the frame. If anything, it points to him having done it. Small Change MacFarlane and me were in business together. We were fixing up fights. But not what you saw out at the farm – the usual bare-knuckle shite with a couple of fucking pikeys slapping each other around. Although you’re right that Small Change helped me organize those too. We had something different going on.’

‘What?’