I did not feel insulted. The sensation of an incredibly lucky outcome crowded out all other feelings and thoughts. Had the guard run his hands on the front and back rather than along the sides, I would not have made it alive. Moscow had been placed on military alert, and those held on suspicion, let alone those caught red-handed, were frequently executed on the spot. While unloading the cartridges, I said to my friends:
“I survived my ordeal—a miraculous deliverance from death.”
There were other risky assignments. Actually appearing on a street was accompanied by risk. One evening five of us went out. We had just approached the corner, when we heard the rhythmic clicking of horses’ hooves. The clatter was so close that it was too late to retreat and there was nowhere to run. The leader of our combat units, Aleksandr Gudkov, who was later to die as a Russian volunteer on the French front during World War I, pulled out his revolver and stood first along the edge of the wall. Behind him, also with revolvers in hand, were Oskar and Aleksandr Vysotskii. Fondaminskii and I shuffled from foot to foot: we had no weapons, and didn’t know how to use them anyway. Many tense seconds passed. My heart beat faster in rhythm with the approaching thud of the horses. Suddenly, a shaft of light from a lantern fell on a peacefully passing carriage, not on a dragoon patrol as we had supposed.
On a different occasion I was sent with another person to deliver dynamite in tea tins decorated with birds of paradise and other birds. The dynamite had to be brought to Chulkov’s house on Smolenskii Boulevard. On the way back I stopped to see Sventsitskii who lived in the same neighborhood. He was also storing either dynamite or arms. I found Andrei Bely [the famous poet and novelist] there. I did not know whether he was an SR, an SD [Social Democrat], or a member of the Christian Brotherhood for the Struggle. One did not ask these things. But I can be a definite witness to the fact that at this time he “listened to the music of the revolution” and was captivated by it.
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During the uprising, the Moscow soviet began to issue the newspaper
“Well, how did it go? What have you brought?”
I laid out my material—reports from on site: conditions, morale, and losses.
“Leave it! Later we’ll see what to include.”
In next day’s
Later it became clear that Ermanskii was a “left” Menshevik. The Bolsheviks accepted him into their Communist Academy, but he was expelled in 1930 and liquidated during Ezhov’s purges.
The draft board gave me a one-year deferment and I left for Moscow the same evening. In an upper berth of a third-class railway car I gave myself up to sorrowful considerations of the immediate future. To knock about from house to house of relatives and acquaintances—a night here, a day there— seemed a boring and useless waste of time. Without a specific task—whether work or assignment—it was easy to fall out of the habit of systematic work. The thought of a personal life would also simultaneously surface. In order to marry, the law required an ID in the form of a passport or a residence permit. I had a university residence permit which I did not register with the police, but which was good until 31 August 1908. Only two days remained until its expiration. With acute awareness, I realized that this was my last chance to legally marry.
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