You Don't Know Me

If there was police on our backs, no need for gangs to start chasing down our families. When Trident or whatever police unit they are gets involved then the gangs back away. They don’t want no Five-O looking into their business you know what I mean? But if there’s no police and no life sentence, the downside is that there is a good chance that gangs would want to kill us. And our families. This is why we had to come back. I wasn’t sure which was worse. It was one of them things. Might have almost been better to call the police and be done with it. Then again I ain’t a person who can do a life sentence you get me. Or Ki of course. She ain’t one of them people at all. Trust me.

Anyway once we got back from that tube journey I got on the phone to Bless to tell her that we weren’t going away after all.

‘Good’ she had said, ‘I’m g-glad.’ Then she hung up as if there was nothing more to be said about it.

We arrived at the flat and Curt and Ki dumped their bags. There was nothing to do now but wait. You see the thing of it was that we didn’t know what the next move was till we got a bit more vine. Were Glockz actually looking for Curt? Had Jamil told the Olders about me and Ki yet? Was he even alive? Was that shit the boy told us on the tube even for real? If he was alive, exactly how alive was he? Could he even talk?

The three of us spend the rest of the day trying to work out a plan B or even a plan E or F you get me? The first thing we needed to know was if Jamil was definitely alive and if he was, what had he told the Olders?

‘Maybe even he didn’t tell them anything,’ I say to the others while we are eating our pizza-from-the-freezer dinner.

‘How you figure that out?’ says Curt who trails long ribbons of cheese from pizza to mouth like it’s elastic.

‘Well he’s just been taxed and his mandems been shot up. He’s lost money and more importantly rep. Maybe he wants to keep that shit on the low.’

Curt decides that eating pizza the normal human way is too difficult and puts two slices of pizza together to make a sandwich and puts the whole thing in his mouth.

‘Mm maybe,’ he says, ‘maybe.’

‘Or maybe not,’ says Ki who gets up from the table and slides her dinner into the bin.

We end the night with nothing really decided except that we need more info. And just this other thing. That if he has told the Olders about us already, we need to find a place to be. Quickly.

By the time Curt starts to snore on the sofa, we know it’s time to turn in. I nod my head at Ki and we quietly go to the bedroom. That night while I am trying to think of a place maybe we could stay, Ki turns in the bed so that she is resting on one elbow and faces her head towards mine.

‘Can’t we just go to Spain?’ she says softly.

‘No man. We can’t. Or I can’t. Mum and Bless. They’re in a risk situation,’ then it occurs to me for real. ‘But you can. You can go. Why don’t you go? You settle yourself wherever and we link you up laters,’ I say sitting up suddenly.

‘Shut up,’ she says with a sigh, ‘you know I’m not going without you.’

I lie back down and stare at the ceiling for a while. It’s not long before I hear Ki’s breathing telling me she is asleep. It ain’t long after that that I fall asleep, Ki’s head on my chest.

My dreams are all messed up that night. Ki was some kind of bird with all these colourful feathers and she was trying to fly away. But she couldn’t because I had a string around her neck and every time she pulled away the string got tighter. It was like she was choking herself or maybe I was. I woke up before I killed her though. That was something at least.

The next morning there is a knock on the door so gentle that I almost don’t hear it. I had woken up to find a space where Ki should have been and for a second I remembered her as that bird. I shake that vision from my head like it’s old cobwebs and I go into the kitchen to find Ki making breakfast. Then there was that quiet knocking. Nearly like a tapping. In fact it’s only because Ki looks up from buttering the toast to say, ‘Is that pipes? Or is it someone at the door?’ that I hear it at all.

I look over at Curt for confirmation but nothing about his face tells me he is even awake. He’s chewing handfuls of toast by the table but his eyes aren’t really alive yet.

Tap tap again. Why didn’t I get one of those peep-hole things on the door? I remember thinking I have to get that sorted out even though I was in a panic. I wave at the other two to hide somewhere and I creep to the door in my socks, trying not to make any sound. Then there it is again. Tap tap tap. My heart though, is going boom boom boom. I wait. I put my ear to the door. Just then a voice comes whispering through.

‘It’s me. Bless.’

I open the door and there she is, tiny, but wrapped in a cloud of puffa jacket.

‘Quick come in,’ I say and pull her by her wrists which are poking out through the sleeves like smooth twigs.

‘What are you doing here?’ I say.

‘It’s about that b-boy Jamil,’ she says, eyes wide.