Английский разговорный шутя. 100 анекдотов на все случаи жизни

Part 2 Comprehensive reading

Тексты второй части предназначены для чтения и пересказа. Каждый текст сопровождается опорной лексикой и фразеологией. Пересказывая текст, постарайтесь использовать средства синонимии – одна и та же ситуация может быть описана разными словами и выражениями, с использованием разной грамматики. Цель настоящей части пособия – через интенсивное чтение, самостоятельный перевод и пересказ подготовиться к третьему, творческому разделу, где вам придется заниматься переложением уже не англоязычных, а русских текстов, – это вы будете делать с использованием лексических и грамматических средств, освоенных в первых двух разделах.

Section 31 What do you love about me

«What do you love most about me,» a husband asked his wife, «my tremendous athletic ability or my superior intellect?»

«What I love most about you,» responded the man\'s wife, «is your enormous sense of humor.»

Words and Expressions:

tremendous громадный

athletic атлетичный, атлетический

ability способность

superior превосходный, превосходящий

intellect интеллект

to respond отвечать

enormous громадный, безмерный

sense of humor чувство юмора

Section 32 So, …. or what?

The man tells his doctor that his wife hasn\'t wanted to have sex with him for the past 7 months. The physician tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her.

When the wife comes to office, the doctor asks her why doesn\'t she want to have sex with her husband any more.

«For the last 7 months,» the wife replies, «every morning I take a cab to work. I don\'t make much money and my husband doesn\'t give more than bus fare, so the cab driver always asks me, „So are you going to pay today or what?“ I always give him an „or what“. That makes me late to work. I\'m late, so the boss asks me, „So are we going to dock your salary, or what?“ That\'s another „or what“. On the way home, I take the cab and again I don\'t have any money so the cab driver asks me, „So are you going to pay this time or what?“ And, again, I do an „or what“. So you see, Doctor, when I get home I\'m all tired out and I don\'t want sex any more.»

The doctor thinks for a second. «So,» he says, «are we going to tell your husband or what?»

Words and Expressions:

past последний, прошедший

physician врач

cab такси

fare плата за проезд

driver водитель

…or what? …или как?

dock урезывать, обрезать (зарплату)

salary зарплата

to be tired out быть усталым, вымотанным

Section 33 I\'m getting a divorce

Andy walked into the neighborhood bar and announced that he was divorcing his wife. The bartender asked why.

«Well,» Andy said, «yesterday was her birthday, so I took her to the fanciest restaurant in town.» «So?» the bartender replies.

"So I ordered a bottle of their best champagne, and I made a toast \'To the best woman a man could have.\' "

«What\'s wrong with that?»

«Four waiters joined in…»

Words and Expressions:

to walk идти, передвигаться пешком

neighborhood соседство; соседний

to announce объявлять

bartender бармен

fancy зд. модный

restaurant ресторан

to order заказывать c

hampagne шампанское

toast тост

wrong неправильный, плохой; неправильно, плохо

waiter официант

to join in присоединяться

Section 34 Loyal wife

Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.

When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, «You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. Well, now that I think about it, I think you bring me bad luck!»