Английский разговорный шутя. 100 анекдотов на все случаи жизни

Words and Expressions:

loyal зд. верный

to slip скользить, выскальзывать

coma мед. кома

bedside место у кровати

to come to приходить в себя

to motion знаком подзывать

to support поддерживать

to fail ослабевать, сдавать

luck успех, везение

every single day каждый божий день

to get fired быть уволенным

to get shot быть раненым или убитым из огнестрельного оружия

bad luck невезение

Section 35 What to do when your wife Goes overboard

An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn\'t find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.

Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: «Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and it was a pearl worth $50,000. please advise.»

The old man faxed back: «Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.»

Words and Expressions:

stormy штормовой

wave волна

to search искать

shore берег

promise обещание

to notify известить

fax факс

to haul вытаскивать сетью

deck палуба

to attach прицеплять, присоединять

butt ягодицы

oyster устрица

pearl жемчужина

to advise зд. извещать, предписывать

to re-bait (от bait наживлять, заряжать насадкой) перезаряжать, наживлять заново

trap ловушка

to wash overboard смывать за борт

It read в ней говорилось

worth $50,000 стоимостью в 50 тысяч долларов

to fax back ответить по факсу

Section 36 A widow

A woman was leaving a cafe after her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a very mean-looking dog on a leash. Behind that were 200 women walking single file.

The woman couldn\'t stand the curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, «I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I\'ve never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?»

The woman replied, «Well, that first hearse is for my husband.»

«What happened to him?»

The woman replied, «My dog attacked and killed him.»

She inquired further, «Well, who is in the second hearse?»

The woman answered, «My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her.»

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two women.

«Can I borrow the dog?»

«Get in line.»

Words and Expressions:

widow вдова

funeral похороны

procession процессия

nearby ближайший

cemetery кладбище

hearse катафалк

behind позади, сзади

solitary одинокая

mean дурной, злобный, угрожающий, низкий

leash собачий поводок

single один; единичный; одинокий

curiosity любопытство

respectfully уважительно

lossу трата, потеря

to disturb беспокоить

to inquire интересоваться, осведомляться

poignant острый, волнующий

thoughtful вдумчивый, полный размышлений

silence молчание, тишина

to borrow взять взаймы

line очередь

to walk a dog прогуливать собаку

mean-looking выглядящий злобно и угрожающе

single file в одну колонну

to stand sth выдерживать что-л., противостоять чему-л., справляться с чем-л.

to turn on sb переключиться на кого-л.

to get in line встать в очередь

Section 37 Mommy, how old are you?