Читаем Английский разговорный шутя. 100 анекдотов на все случаи жизни полностью

Английский разговорный шутя. 100 анекдотов на все случаи жизни

Виктор Александрович Миловидов

VII. Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?

Little Johnny: One dollar.

Teacher (sadly): You don\'t know your arithmetic.

Little Johnny (sadly): You don\'t know my father.

Words and Expressions:

Johnny американский аналог русского Вовочки

to behave вести себя

to punish наказывать

since так как

to chew жевать

gum резина, каучук, резинка

chewing gum жевательная резинка

stupid глупый

to deserve заслуживать

zero ноль; низшая оценка

mark оценка, отметка

arithmetic арифметика

to break a promise нарушать обещание

to keep a promise сдержать обещание

Section 46 Naming the baby

The proud young mother was discussing with her husband what they should call the new baby. «I\'ve made up my mind,» she declared firmly, «we\'ll call her Penelope.» The husband didn\'t like the name at all, but he decided to be subtle about it.

«That\'s a lovely name, dear,» he said. «The first girl I ever went out with was called Penelope and it will bring back pleasant memories.»

«I think we\'ll call her Mary, after my mother,» said the wife.

Words and Expressions:

subtle мягкий, вкрадчивый

lovely милый

pleasant приятный

memories воспоминания

to make up one\'s mind решать

to be subtle about sth не высказываться резко о чем-л.

to go out with ходить на свидание с (кем-л.)

to call sb after sb называть кого-л. в чью-л. честь

Section 47 Twins

Once there were two twins at the age of eight who were completely opposite, one always had a good attitude and a positive outlook on life, the other was always negative and found something to whine about in everything.

When Christmas was around the corner that year their parents decided to try and balance out the brothers\' attitudes. For the negative son they bought a brand new bike. For the possitive son they went out to a farm and filled a box full of horse crap.

Christmas came and the parents watched their reactions. The negative son opened his gift first, finding the new bike. Immediately he began to complain, «It\'s too cold out to ride a bike, I don\'t even know how to ride one, I hate this gift!»

Just then the possitive son started to open his gift. With his parents watching, he pulled back the flaps on the box and peered in at its contents. He stood silent for a moment and then shouted excitedly, " There\'s gotta be a horse around Here somewhere!!!"

Words and Expressions:

once однажды

twins близнецы

completely полностью

opposite противоположный

attitude отношение (к жизни), взгляд (на жизнь)

positive позитивный, оптимистичный

outlook мировоззрение

negative негативный, пессимистичный

to whine скулить, хныкать

around the corner за углом, на подходе

a brand new bike новехонький, с иголочки велосипед