Английский разговорный шутя. 100 самых смешных анекдотов на лучшие разговорные темы

applicant соискатель, претендент на рабочее место

mathematician математик

interviewer интервьюер, проводящий собеседование

to call in вызывать (в кабинет)

to equal равняться, быть равным

exactly точно

incredulous недоверчивый, скептический

percent процент, проценты

to lock запирать (дверь)

shade жалюзи, шторы

to apply for подавать заявление о приеме

What do two plus two equal? Чему равняется два плюс два?

on average в среднем

give or take ten percent плюс-минус десять процентов

to pose a question задавать вопрос, ставить вопрос

Section 63 Schubert's productivity

A company chairman was given a ticket for a performance of Schubert's Unfinished Symphony. Since he was unable to go, he passed the invitation to the company's Quality Assurance Manager. The next morning, the chairman asked him how he enjoyed it, and, instead of a few plausible observations, he was handed a memorandum which read as follows:

1. For a considerable period, the oboe players had nothing to do. Their number should be reduced, and their work spread over the whole orchestra, thus avoiding peaks of inactivity.

2. All twelve violins were playing identical notes. This seems unnecessary duplication, and the staff of this section should be drastically cut. If a large volume of sound is really required, this could be obtained through the use of an amplifier.

3. Much effort was involved in playing the demi-semiquavers. This seems an excessive refinement, and it is recommended that all notes should be rounded up to the nearest semiquaver. If this were done, it would be possible to use trainees instead of craftsmen.

4. No useful purpose is served by repeating with horns the passage that has already been handled by the strings. If all such redundant passages were eliminated, the concert could be reduced from two hours to twenty minutes.

In light of the above, one can only conclude that had Schubert given attention to these matters, he probably would have had the time to finish his symphony.

Words and Expressions:

productivity производительность (труда)

chairman президент

ticket билет

performance исполнение

unfinished неоконченный

symphony симфония

invitation приглашение

plausible вероятный, правдоподобный

memorandum меморандум, служебная записка

as follows следующим образом

considerable значительный

oboeмуз. гобой

to reduce сокращать

to spread распределять, рассредоточивать

orchestra оркестр

to avoid избегать

peak пик, вершина

inactivity бездействие, отсутствие активности

violin скрипка

identical идентичный, подобный

note нота

duplication удвоение, дублирование

staffадм. штат, персонал

drastically решительно, круто

volume объем

to obtain получать, приобретать, достигать

amplifier усилитель

effort усилие

to involve вовлекать, вводить

semiquaverмуз. шестнадцатая (нота)

demi-semiquavers муз. тридцать вторая (нота)

excessive избыточный

refinement украшение

to round up свести, округлить

trainee ученик

craftsman мастер

purpose цель

horn рожок

passageмуз. пассаж

to handle обращаться (зд. играть, исполнять)

strings струнные

redundant избыточный

to eliminate изымать, уничтожать

concert концерт

to conclude заключать, подводить итоги

matters обстоятельства

Quality Assurance Manager менеджер по контролю за качеством

instead of вместо

in light of the above в свете вышеизложенного

Section 64 Husband's checkup

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After the checkup, the doctor took the wife aside and told her, "If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die:

1) Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood.

2) At lunch, make him a warm nutritious meal and put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back to work.

3) For dinner, fix an especially nice meal, and don't burden him with household chores.

4) Have sex with him several times a week and satisfy his every whim."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor had said to her. She replied, «You're going to die.»

Words and Expressions:

checkup проверка, осмотр

to accompany сопровождать

aside в сторону

mood настроение

nutritious питательный

especially особенно

to burden обременять, нагружать

household домашний, хозяйственный

chore домашняя работа

whim прихоть, каприз

good frame of mind хорошее расположение духа