Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения (ASCII-IPA)

"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Kinly twins are drunk again."

You don't say.

I'm curious.

This is unbelievable!

What's been going on?

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas (жил однажды слепой человек, который решил поехать в Техас). When he arrived on the plane (когда он прибыл в самолет), he felt the seats and said (он потрогал сиденья /to feel-felt-felt — трогать, чувствовать, ощущать/ и сказал), "Wow, these seats are big! (эти сиденья большие)"

The person next to him answered (человек сзади него: «ближайший к нему» ответил), "Everything is big in Texas (в Техасе все большое)."

When he finally arrived in Texas (когда он, наконец, прибыл в Техас), he decided to visit a bar (он решил сходить в бар). Upon arriving in the bar (по приходе в бар), he ordered a beer (он заказал пиво) and got a mug placed between his hands (и ему в ладони поместили кружку). He exclaimed (воскликнул), "Wow these mugs are big!"

The bartender replied (ответил), "Everything is big in Texas."

After a couple of beers (после пары кружек пива), the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located (где находится, расположена уборная). The bartender replied, "Second door to the right (вторая дверь направо)." The blind man headed for the bathroom (направился), but accidentally tripped over (случайно споткнулся) and skipped (пропустил = прошел мимо) the second door. Instead, he entered the third door (вместо этого он вошел в третью дверь), which led to the swimming pool (которая вела к бассейну /to lead-led-led/), and fell into the pool by accident (и случайно упал в бассейн /to fall-fell-fallen/).

Scared to death (испугавшись до смерти), the blind man started shouting (начал кричать), "Don't flush, don't flush! (Не спускайте! Не спускайте!; to flush — смывать сильной струей воды)"

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!"

The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which led to the swimming pool, and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"

Second door to the right.

I am scared to death.