Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения (ASCII-IPA)

He leaves the room (он выходит из комнаты) and goes to his office (и идет в свой офис), checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face (и возвращается с лучезарной улыбкой на лице; beam — луч; to beam — излучать; сиять). "Wow! I can't believe it… it's TRUE! (я не могу в это поверить, это правда) The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses (действительно носит контактные линзы). Good work! (отличная работа) How were you able to make such an astute observation? (как вы смогли сделать столь проницательное наблюдение)"

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses (он не может носить обычные очки) because he only has one eye and one ear (потому что у него только один глаз и одно ухо)."

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 second and then hides it.

"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well… uh… that's because the picture shows his PROFILE."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds, "…think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm… the suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer… wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe it… it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

What's the matter with you?

Is that the best answer you can come up with?

Wow! I can't believe it…

Good work!

A man was in a bar (человек был в баре). Hoping to strike up a conversation (надеясь завязать разговор) with a distinguished looking fellow (с важно, изысканно выглядящим человеком) sitting nearby (сидящим рядом), he said, "May I buy you a drink? (могу я купить вам выпивку = угостить вас)"

"No," said the man cooly (холодно), "Don't drink (не пью). Tried it once and I didn't like it (попрoбовал раз и не понравилось)."

"Would you like a cigar? (не желаете ли сигару)"

"No. Don't smoke (не курю). Tried tobacco once and I didn't like it."

"Would you like to join me in a game of gin rummy? (не хотите присоединиться ко мне в карточной игре)"

"No. Don't like card games. Tried it once, and I didn't like it.

However (однако), my son will be dropping in after a bit (заглянет через некоторое время). Perhaps (может быть) he will join you."

The first man settled back in his chair (откинулся в своем кресле; to settle — усаживаться, устраиваться) and said, "Your only son, I presume? (ваш единственный сын, я полагаю)"

A man was in a bar. Hoping to strike up a conversation with a distinguished looking fellow sitting nearby, he said, "May I buy you a drink?"

"No," said the man coolly, "Don't drink. Tried it once and I didn't like it."

"Would you like a cigar?"

"No. Don't smoke. Tried tobacco once and I didn't like it."

"Would you like to join me in a game of gin rummy?"

"No. Don't like card games. Tried it once, and I didn't like it.

However, my son will be dropping in after a bit. Perhaps he will join you."