Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения (ASCII-IPA)

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, "Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take all that away.

But… I must know, did he have a different father?"

The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for moment and then confessed: "Yes. Yes he did."

The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks, "Who?… Who was he? Who was the father?"

Again, the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says, "You".

Dear, there is something that I must ask you.

** LOST DOG (пропала собака: «пропавшая собака») **

3 legs (три лапы),

Blind in left eye (слепа на левый глаз),

Missing right ear (не хватает правого уха),

Tail broken (сломан хвост /to break-broke-broken/),

Recently castrated (недавно кастрирована),

Answers to the name of (откликается на кличку)

"LUCKY (Счастливчик)"

** LOST DOG **

3 legs,

Blind in left eye,

Missing right ear,

Tail broken,

Recently castrated,

Answers to the name of

"LUCKY"

Little girl asked her Mom (маленькая девочка спросила маму), "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk (мама, могу я повести собаку гулять: «взять на прогулку») around the block? (по кварталу: «вокруг квартала»)"

Mom says, "No, because the dog is in heat (нет, потому что у собаки течка: heat - жар; жара)."

"What's that mean? (что это значит)" asked the child (спросило дитя).

"Go ask your Father (пойди спроси у отца). I think he's in the garage (думаю, он в гараже)."

Little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, can I take Susie (могу я взять Сюзи) for a walk around the block? I asked Mom (я спросила маму) but she said the dog was in heat and that I should ask you (и чтобы я спросила тебя)."

Dad said, "Bring Susie over here (давай: «приведи» сюда Сюзи)." He took a rag (он взял тряпку /to take-took-taken/), soaked it with gasoline (намочил ее в бензине), and scrubbed the dog's butt with it (и потер ею cобачий зад) and said, "Ok, you can go now (теперь можешь идти), but keep Susie on the leash (но держи Сюзи на поводке) and only go one time (и обойди только один раз) around the block."

Little girl left (ушла /to leave-left-left — оставить, покинуть/) and returned a few minutes later (вернулась через несколько минут) with no dog on the leash (без собаки на поводке).

Dad said, "Where's (где) Susie?"

Little girl said, "Susie ran out of gas (у Сюзи кончился бензин; run out off… — истощить свой запас /чего-либо/) about halfway (примерно на полпути) down the block (вниз по кварталу) and there's another dog pushing her home (и там другая собака буксирует: «толкает» ее домой)."

Little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"

Mom says, "No, because the dog is in heat."

"What's that mean?" asked the child.

"Go ask your Father. I think he's in the garage."

Little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, can I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom but she said the dog was in heat and that I should ask you."

Dad said, "Bring Susie over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's butt with it and said, "Ok, you can go now, but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block."

Little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.

Dad said, "Where's Susie?"

Little girl said, "Susie ran out of gas about halfway down the block and there's another dog pushing her home."

What's that mean?

Bring Susie over here!

My car ran out of gas.