Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения (ASCII-IPA)

"What a day this has been! (что за день это был)" his wife answered. "First Johnny (сначала Джонни) sprained his ankle (растянул лодыжку), then the washing machine (затем стиральная машина) broke down (сломалась /to break-broke-broken/) and flooded the basement (затопила подвал; basement — фундамент, цоколь; подвал), and now you come home drunk! (а теперь /и/ ты /еще/ приходишь домой пьяный)"

A man accompanied a friend home for dinner one evening and noticed that as soon as they entered the door, his friend kissed his wife and told her how pretty she looked. After dinner, he complimented his wife on the food and kissed her again.

"Do you always do that?" asked the visitor when they were alone.

"You bet I do," answered the man. "It helps keep our marriage a happy one."

The visitor was greatly impressed and decided to use the same procedure with his own wife. That night he swept her into his arms when he got home and kissed her warmly. "Sweetheart," he said, "you look wonderful tonight, and I'm a lucky man to have such a beautiful wife."

His wife looked at him in amazement, then burst into tears.

"For Pete's sake," exclaimed the astonished man, "what's the matter?"

"What a day this has been!" his wife answered. "First Johnny sprained his ankle, then the washing machine broke down and flooded the basement, and now you come home drunk!"

You bet!

It helps keep our marriage a happy one.

Sweetheart, you look wonderful tonight!

For Pete’s sake (for God’s; Heaven’s)!

What a day this has been!

Two ministers were discussing the lack of morals in the modern world (два священника обсуждали недостаток морали в современном мире).

"I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married (я не спал со своей женой до того, как мы поженились)," said one clergyman self-righteously (сказал один священник самодовольно: «с чувством собственной правоты»). "Did you? (а вы)"

"I don't know (я не знаю)," said the other. "What was her maiden name? (какая была ее девичья фамилия)"

Two ministers were discussing the lack of morals in the modern world.

"I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married," said one clergyman self-righteously. "Did you?"

"I don't know," said the other. "What was her maiden name?"

What was her maiden name?

Uncle Pete never asked the Lord for anything (дядюшка Пит никогда не просил Господа о чем-либо), but one day he heard about this Oregon Lottery… (но однажды он услышал об этой Орегонской лотерее /to hear-heard-heard/) He began to think about it (он начал думать об этом /to begin-began-begun/), and think about it… (и думать об этом). Then a couple of days later (потом, пару дней спустя), he asked the Lord (он попросил Бога: «Господа»),

"You know Lord (ты знаешь, Господи), I never asked you for anything (я никогда тебя ни о чем не просил), I've been going to church every Sunday (я ходил в церковь каждое воскресенье), praising you and thanking you for what I have (восхваляя тебя и благодаря тебя за то, что имею), and I sure would like to win that lottery! (и я, конечно, хотел бы выиграть в эту лотерею)"

Well, a couple of years went by (пара лет прошла) and Uncle Pete still wanted to (все еще хотел), and didn't win (и не выиграл) that Oregon Lottery. One day while plowing a field (однажды, во время распашки поля, когда распахивал поле) he starts thinking about not winning the lottery (он начинает думать о том, что он не выиграл в лотерею, как он все никак не может выиграть в лотерею), and get frustrated (/начинает/ расстраиваться, отчаиваться), so he decides (и решает поэтому) to ask the Lord why He won't help him to win the lottery (спросить Бога, почему Он не поможет ему выиграть в лотерею).