Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения (ASCII-IPA)

He yelled up at the sky (он прокричал в небо), "Lord, I never asked you for ana' thin' (= anything) but ta' (= to — но только) win that there Oregon Lottery, and You never did help (и Ты «никогда» = вовсе, ни разу не помог), well WHY? (ну почему)"

Then the clouds above (облака над /ним/) began to part (начали раздвигаться) and in a booming voice (и громовым голосом; to boom — греметь) he heard the Lord say (он услышал, /как/ Бог говорит),

"Pete, I'm gonna need some help on this (Пит, мне понадобится кое-какая помощь в этом; gonna = going to), you have to buy a ticket first (ты должен купить билет для начала)."

Uncle Pete never asked the Lord for anything, but one day he heard about this Oregon Lottery… He began to think about it, and think about it… Then a couple of days later, he asked the Lord,

"You know Lord, I never asked you for anything, I've been going to church every Sunday, praising you and thanking you for what I have, and I sure would like to win that lottery!"

Well, a couple of years went by and Uncle Pete still wanted to, and didn't win that Oregon Lottery. One day while plowing a field he starts thinking about not winning the lottery, and get frustrated, so he decides to ask the Lord why He won't help him to win the lottery.

He yelled up at the sky, "Lord, I never asked you for ana' thin' but ta' win that there Oregon Lottery, and You never did help, well WHY?"

Then the clouds above began to part and in a booming voice he heard the Lord say,

"Pete, I'm gonna need some help on this, you have to buy a ticket first."

I'm gonna need some help on this.

Two fishermen are out on the lake (два рыбака посреди озера) in a boat they had rented at the dock (в лодке, которую они взяли напрокат у пристани).

After an hour or so (через час или около того), they drift over a deep hole (они проплывают над глубокой ямой, впадиной) and start catching fish (и начинают ловить рыбу) faster than they ever had before in their lives (быстрее, чем когда-либо прежде в их жизни). This goes on for a while (это продолжается какое-то время) until one of them (пока один из них) pulls a large piece of chalk (/не/ вытаскивает большой кусок мела) out of his tackle box (из своего ящика со снаряжением) and draws a large "X" (и рисует большую букву «X») in the bottom of the boat (на дне лодки).

"What did you do that for? (для чего ты это сделал)" asks the other one (спрашивает другой).

"So we can find this spot again! (чтобы мы могли найти это место снова)" is the reply (ответ).

"That's the dumbest thing I ever heard (это самый дурацкий ответ: «вещь», который я когда-нибудь слышал)," says his buddy (приятель).

"… How do you know we'll get the SAME boat next time? (откуда ты знаешь, что мы получим ту же лодку в следующий раз)"

Two fishermen are out on the lake in a boat they had rented at the dock.

After an hour or so, they drift over a deep hole and start catching fish faster than they ever had before in their lives. This goes on for a while until one of them pulls a large piece of chalk out of his tackle box and draws a large "X" in the bottom of the boat.

"What did you do that for?" asks the other one.

"So we can find this spot again!" is the reply.

"That's the dumbest thing I ever heard," says his buddy.

"… How do you know we'll get the SAME boat next time?"

What did you do that for?

That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.

Two winkies went on a hunting trip (двое эвенков были на охоте). After it began to get dark (после того, как начало темнеть /to begin-began-begun/), they thought it was about time to go home (они подумали, что время идти домой /to think-thought-thought/). They unfortunately got lost (к несчастью, они потерялись).