Anniversarian. A play for 2 people. Comedy

Ivy. Uh, wait. What evening is it? It's only been paid for an hour! No, I don't mind in principle, but according to the tariff. And by the way, time is ticking, if anything. Of course, we can sit, talk, and eat. Can you show me your album, I'll look at it, I'll even pretend that I'm interested, but what the hell do you need it for? Oh, yeah. You didn't pay. Then whatever. Pour some more, otherwise something doesn't really fit on the dry one.

Philemon doesn't really understand what's going on, but he pours it.

Ivy. The feast continues, am I right? Are we sitting, eating, drinking, talking?

Philemon. As usual…

Ivy. I don't know what you have where it is, this is my first time. Oh, it doesn't matter. Now I'll make a toast, if you don't mind.

Philemon. You are welcome.

Ivy. So, Smartass! I wish you a happy birthday. I have no idea why the hell you're here alone right now, at your holiday table, it's good that at least I showed up, at least something. But it's not about me. And so. I wish every bastard who didn't show up here today, all those you counted on, to itch in all places for a week or two. So that they hiccup like they're out of their mind and can't do anything about it until they realize their guilt! Here's to that. Let's!

Ivy drinks, Philemon doesn't.

Ivy. What are you not drinking again? Didn't you like the toast, or can't you have a lot?

Philemon. No, it's just that your toast turned out to be quite strange.

Ivy. Didn't like it, then?

Philemon. I liked it, I even mentally supplemented it from myself. But that's not the point.

Ivy. And in what way?

Philemon. It turned out that you wished them everything. But I still have a holiday!

Ivy. Do you want me to wish you itching in all places and godless hiccups?

Philemon. Is there anything else in the assortment of wishes?

Ivy. La, you're still a smart Guy, I just can't get off you. Give him the assortment. Okay, now it's going to be personal, for you personally.

Philemon. Curious!

Ivy. Phew… It feels like I'm retaking the undelivered test. So. Now, okay. Means… Philemon!

Philemon. It's already good!

Ivy. Shut up and don't interrupt!

Philemon. Sorry.

Ivy. On this wonderful bright day, I want to raise this glass… Damn, the glass is empty. Why aren't you watching? Cavalier, damn it!

Filimon promptly corrects the situation.

Ivy. Oh, how difficult it is with you. That's it, then. On this wonderful bright day, I want to wish you good health!

Philemon. How corny.

Ivy. I'm going to punch you in the face! Don't interrupt, she said, you see, and I'm having a hard time getting it out.

Philemon. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm silent. I'm listening carefully.

Ivy. To… A-a-a-a. Nothing normal comes to mind, only in my style. And you need something so high! Wise. Yes? Pretentious, my God!

Philemon keeps quiet, smiles.

Ivy. Why are you silent? Oh, yeah. That's right, keep quiet. Shortly (Thinking for a long time, stretching out the words, coming up with them in the process of presentation.) So that life is yours, she is… Understand… So that on this day, your birthday, you will not regret that you have lived to your age. So that you do not look into the past with regret, so that you look into the future freely and easily, so that the present does not oppress you, does not oppress you, how to say it correctly. There should be no oppression from what is happening now. In short, I raise this glass so that you, Smart Guy, are not alone in your smartness. To have some smart fool by your side! So that everything works out fine with her, despite the fact that you are already fifty years old! That's it!

Philemon smiles.

Philemon. Thanks for pointing your nose at my age a couple of times.

Ivy. Drink, c… ka, I tried!

Philemon drinks.

Philemon. Thanks Hand me that salad over there, please.

Ivy looks thoughtfully at Philemon, then takes the salad he asked for, brings it to him, begins to take care of him. She puts it on herself, pours it for him, ties a napkin around his neck. He sits down next to me and eats. He looks at Philemon with interest and doubt.

Philemon. And you know, no one has ever said such words to me. Usually everyone wishes happiness, health, and good luck. It's the same thing from year to year. And you did well, you really tried. I appreciated it.

Ivy. Did you pass the test?

Philemon. I passed it. Congratulations.

Ivy. Thanks

Eating.

Ivy. I noticed you have a lot of books. Do you like to read?

Philemon. Yes, I definitely noticed.

Ivy. May I ask where this love of reading comes from? I don't like reading at all. What about you? Did your mother force you as a child? Are you used to it?

Philemon. No, that's not the point.

Ivy. What is it?

Philemon. Books teach a lot. And people, in general, are like books. You read books, you get to know people.

Ivy. Can you give an example of the similarity of books and people?

Philemon. You are welcome! Some deceive with their beauty, others surprise with their content.

They are silent. They look at each other. They think. Eating.

Philemon. So you're a student?