King Lear

like a dog and told me I had the white hairs in my beard ere¹⁰⁹

the black ones were there. To say ‘Ay’ and ‘No’ to everything

that I said ‘Ay’ and ‘No’ to was no good divinity¹¹¹. When the

rain came¹¹² to wet me once and the wind to make me chatter,

when the thunder would not peace¹¹³ at my bidding, there I

found ’em, there I smelt ’em out. Go to, they are not men

o’their words: they told me I was everything: ’tis a lie, I am

not ague-proof¹¹⁶.

GLOUCESTER    The trick¹¹⁷ of that voice I do well remember:

Is’t not the king?

LEAR    Ay, every inch a king.

When I do stare, see how the subject quakes.

I pardon that man’s life. What was thy cause¹²¹?

Adultery?

Thou shalt not die: die for adultery? No.

The wren goes to’t¹²⁴ and the small gilded fly

Does lecher¹²⁵ in my sight. Let copulation thrive,

For Gloucester’s bastard son was kinder to his father

Than were my daughters got¹²⁷ ’tween the lawful sheets.

To’t, luxury, pell-mell, for I lack soldiers¹²⁸.

Behold yond simp’ring dame,

Whose face between her forks presages snow¹³⁰,

That minces virtue and does shake the head¹³¹

To hear of pleasure’s name:

The fitchew nor the soilèd¹³³ horse goes to’t

With a more riotous¹³⁴ appetite. Down from the waist

They are centaurs¹³⁵, though women all above:

But to the girdle do the gods inherit¹³⁶,

Beneath is all the fiends’:

There’s hell, there’s darkness, there is the sulphurous¹³⁸ pit:

burning, scalding, stench, consumption¹³⁹. Fie, fie, fie! Pah,

pah! Give me an ounce of civet, good apothecary¹⁴⁰, sweeten

my imagination: there’s money for thee.

GLOUCESTER    O, let me kiss that hand!

LEAR    Let me wipe it first: it smells of mortality¹⁴³.

GLOUCESTER    O, ruined piece of nature! This great world

Shall so¹⁴⁵ wear out to nought. Dost thou know me?

LEAR    I remember thine eyes well enough. Dost thou

squinny at me? No, do thy worst, blind Cupid¹⁴⁷: I’ll not love.

Read thou this challenge, mark but the penning¹⁴⁸ of it.

GLOUCESTER    Were all thy letters suns, I could not see.

Aside

EDGAR    I would not take this from report¹⁵⁰: it is,

And my heart breaks at it.

LEAR    Read.

GLOUCESTER    What, with the case¹⁵³ of eyes?

LEAR O, ho, are you there with me? No eyes in your head,

nor no money in your purse? Your eyes are in a heavy case¹⁵⁵,

your purse in a light, yet you see how this world goes.

GLOUCESTER    I see it feelingly¹⁵⁷.

LEAR    What, art mad? A man may see how this world goes

with no eyes. Look with thine ears: see how yond justice¹⁵⁹ rails

upon yond simple¹⁶⁰ thief. Hark, in thine ear: change places,

and handy-dandy¹⁶¹, which is the justice, which is the thief?

Thou hast seen a farmer’s dog bark at a beggar?

GLOUCESTER    Ay, sir.

LEAR    And the creature run from the cur? There thou

mightst behold the great image of authority: a dog’s obeyed¹⁶⁵

in office.

Thou rascal beadle¹⁶⁷, hold thy bloody hand!

Why dost thou lash that whore? Strip thy own back:

Thou hotly lusts to use her in that kind¹⁶⁹

For which thou whip’st her. The usurer hangs the cozener¹⁷⁰.

Through tattered clothes great vices do appear:

Robes and furred gowns hide all. Place sins with gold¹⁷²,

And the strong lance of justice hurtless¹⁷³ breaks:

Arm it¹⁷⁴ in rags, a pigmy’s straw does pierce it.

None does offend, none, I say, none: I’ll able ’em¹⁷⁵.

Take that of me, my friend, who have the power

To seal th’accuser’s lips. Get thee glass eyes,

And like a scurvy politician¹⁷⁸ seem

To see the things thou dost not. Now, now, now, now¹⁷⁹.

Pull off my boots: harder, harder: so.

Aside

EDGAR    O, matter and impertinency¹⁸¹ mixed! Reason in madness!

LEAR    If thou wilt weep my fortunes, take my eyes.

I know thee well enough: thy name is Gloucester.

Thou must be patient; we came crying hither¹⁸⁴.

Thou know’st the first time that we smell the air

We wail and cry. I will preach to thee: mark.

GLOUCESTER    Alack, alack the day!

LEAR    When we are born, we cry that we are come

To this great stage of fools. This a good block¹⁸⁹:

It were a delicate¹⁹⁰ stratagem to shoe

A troop of horse with felt: I’ll put’t in proof¹⁹¹,

And when I have stol’n upon these son-in-laws,

Then kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill!

Enter a Gentleman [with Attendants]

GENTLEMAN    O, here he is: lay hand upon him.— Sir,

Your most dear daughter—

LEAR    No rescue? What, a prisoner? I am even

The natural fool¹⁹⁷ of fortune. Use me well,

You shall have ransom. Let me have surgeons:

I am cut to th’brains.

GENTLEMAN    You shall have anything.

LEAR    No seconds²⁰¹? All myself?

Why, this would make a man a man of salt²⁰²

To use his eyes for garden water-pots,

I will die bravely²⁰⁴, like a smug bridegroom. What?

I will be jovial²⁰⁵. Come, come, I am a king,

Masters²⁰⁶, know you that?

GENTLEMAN    You are a royal one, and we obey you.

LEAR    Then there’s life in’t. Come, an you get it, you shall

get it by running. Sa, sa, sa, sa²⁰⁹.

Exit

Running, Attendants follow