The Stainless Steel Rat for President

A Social and Economic History of Paraiso-Aqui. Wonderful. Sounded like a best seller. I flipped through it and instantly found the piece of paper between its pages. There were block letters printed on it which I could read without removing it from its lair.

BEWARE! DO NOT BE SEEN WITH THIS!

A sudden shadow obscured the page; I closed the book and looked up. A heavyset local stood before me. Smiling insincerely.

"I would like that book," he said, extending his hand.

I could see the word as clearly as if he had it painted on his forehead. COP. That was the word. Policeman. A familiar breed around the galaxy.

"My goodness, what do you want my poor little book for?" I asked.

"That is not your concern. Give." "No. " I stepped back, trembling with mock fear. He smiled coldly at this and reached out to take the book from my cowardly hands.

My holiday was beeinnine at last!

Chapter 4

I let him get both hands on the book before I reached out and grabbed his rather prominent nose and gave it a strong tweak. For no reason other than sadism, I am forced to admit. He roared with rage, revealing a mouth full of crooked teeth badly in need of dental attention. Then his mouth closed, as did his eyes, as he dropped heavily to the floor. A strong finger jabbed firmly into the nerve ganglion of the solar plexus will produce instant unconsciousness. I turned away from the scene of this minor triumph to find one of the locals, in hotel staff uniform, standing behind me. Eyes like saucers, mouth slightly agape.

"He must have been very tired to fall asleep like that," I said. "But this planet is so relaxing. I want to buy this book. " He biinked down at the cover and found his voice. "I am sorry, but that is not one of our books." Now it was my turn to blink. "It must be. I saw the other clerk take it from the shelf. " "There is no other clerk. Just myself." Realization penetrated. I shrugged and turned to leave. No clerk and no book. I had been set up, that was obvious. And as soon as sleeping beauty recovered the minions of the law would be howling on my tail. How nice of them to supply some diversions for me on this boring holiday world. Angelina was just slipping into a bathing suit when I returned, which instantly triggered my libido. After a brisk session of kissing and smooching she gently pushed me away.

"We must go on holiday more often if it will bring out the healthy beast in you like that. What is the book?" "Nothing at all. I just picked it up. Let us go for a stroll on the beach so I can see if your swimsuit matches the sand." I produced a roll of the eyes as I said this. She nodded slightly, showing she understood.

"Wonderful. Let me find my sandals." 18 We exited in silence and it wasn't until we were walking at the water's edge, far from any of the buildings, that she spoke.

"Do you think the room is bugged?" "Don't know. I just didn't want to chance it when I opened this book." I explained what had happened as I found the note and slipped it from between the pages. There were a few brief lines of writing inside it that we read in silence.

The people of this planet desperately need your help. Aid us, we beg. Please walk on the beach alone at 2400 this night.

There was no signature. I bent and scooped up a handful of water and pulped the note in it, then kicked the shreds into the sand as I walked.

"I wonder who they are?" Angelina asked. I nodded solemn agreement to this.

"That is the important question, isn't it? I was obnoxious to the passport official, took photographs of the laboring peasantry-and asked nosy questions. My presence is known. I am contacted. But, as you so rightly ask-by whom? This note could be from the desperate citizens of Paraiso-Aqui, anxious that the galaxy be informed of their plight..." "Or it could be a trap set by the security forces to get you into trouble." "My thoughts exactly. But I have no choice. Behind the barn at midnight to meet my destiny. Though it may be difficult." "Why?" she asked, squinting deliciously up at me in the actinic glare of the sun.