The Stainless Steel Rat for President

"Because that heavy is going to come looking for me when he recovers consciousness. We don't know who left the notebut I am certain of the policeman's identity. " "Then that takes care of your midnight appointment. When the police come for you, why then you just lead them a merry chase, something I know you always enjoy. And I will keep the appointment in your place." "Dearest! The danger!" She smiled warmly and squeezed my arm tenderly. "How sweet! You're worried about me." "No, not in the slightest. Just concerned for the safety of this other lot if they try some funny business with you." "Beast," she said, her gentle grip changing to an iron claw that bit deep into my bicep. Then she smiled. "But you're right, of course. Things have been quiet. I rather hope that whoever is coming does try on something funny." "It's settled then." I rubbed at my bruised arm. "Let's get back to the room and order up some food. I don't want to do a lot of running around on an empty stomach. " The first thing we saw when we came into the room was the unconscious man stretched out on the floor beside the bed, his arms still reaching towards my camera which was resting innocently in the middle of the counterpane.

"That's number one," I said. "He let himself in to wait for us, then passed the time by trying to take a look at the camera. Automatic sleeping gas release got him." "Police," Angelina said, going quickly through his pockets. "Identification, gun, blackjack, handcuffs, hunting knife and stun grenades. A very nasty type." "Agreed. All is not paradise on Paraiso-Aqui. You had better keep the camera with you. I'll just slip a few items out of it to take with me. Now let us order the food before we have any more visitors." Room service was fast and efficient. Within a few minutes the waiter arrived, wheeling in a trolley heavy-laden with succulent goodies. Unhappily two uniformed policemen wheeled in right behind him.

"Leave this room at once," Angelina said, stepping forward to block their way. "You have not been invited in." The waiter cringed back and I began to quickly slap together a sandwich. It wasn't going to be eat and run-but on the run.

"Move aside woman," the first blue-jawed and ugly copper said. If he had left it at that he would have been much happier. But he made the mistake of putting one meaty hand on her shoulder to push her aside.

He had time for a single pained shriek, I heard the unmistakable crackle of breaking bone, before he dropped unconscious onto the carpet. The second policeman was drawing his gun as I laid down the sandwich, but before I could reach him he was laid down by his companion. The waiter fled and Angelina, smiling happily, closed the door behind him. I finished a second sandwich, wrapped them both in a napkin, then added a bottle of ron to my lunchtime arrangements.

"Time for me to leave," I said, bending over the sleeping beauties and touching the backs of their necks with the slaphypo. "I've given them both knockout shots, good for a day at least. We can't have them waking up and identifying you as their assailant. At least not until after the meet at midnight. " I kissed her warmly and a sudden pounding on the door sounded an echo to my osculation.

"Better find another way out," I said and strolled out onto the balcony. Angelina followed nibbling delicately on a drumstick. We were twenty stories up, the wall smooth and unclimbable. No problem at all. "Hold this for a moment, if you please," I said, handing her my luncheon pack.

It was the work of a moment to slip over the edge of the balcony, to hang by my hands, to swing and land lightly on the balcony of the room directly below, Angelina dropped the picnic pack into my waiting grasp and blew me a kiss. Things were going well, very well indeed.

The apartment was fortuitously empty so I seized the opportunity to satisfy my hunger and slake my thirst. I had polished off the last crumb and was nipping delicately at the ron when I heard the key rattle in the door. I belched lightly, reluctantly put down the unfinished bottle, and was flat against the wall behind the door when it opened.

No tourist here! Two men in military uniform, weapons drawn, came into the room. I waited until I was sure there were no more coming before stepping out behind them. "Looking for someone?" I asked.

They spun about, weapons swinging up, growling with anger. I held my breath and popped the sleep capsule under their noses, then stepped back while they clanked and clattered to the carpet. One of them was about my size which presented me with a very obvious yet still interesting idea.