William Shakespeare's The Jedi Doth Return

[Leia falls to the ground, unconscious. Imperial Scout 4 looks behind him to make sure she has fallen.

Scout 4

Ha! There’s a rebel scum who shall no more
Make trouble for our mighty Empire. We
Are e’er the strongest in the galaxy,
With pilots such as I whose skill is—O!—

[Imperial Scout 4 collides with a tree and dies.

Luke

This latest scout is skill’d beyond the rest—
I may not best him in a battle thus.
Yet by another method I shall win,
For why rely on bikes and blasters when
I have the Force, and my lightsaber, too?

[Luke leaps from his bike.

Now to it, scout! Return and meet thy fate!
He comes a’blasting, but my lightsaber
Deflects the shots, and now I slice his bike!
Aye, broke in twain his bike doth falter fast,
And now against a tree he meets his end!

[Imperial Scout 5 dies.

EnterHAN SOLO, CHEWBACCA, C-3PO, and R2-D2, from the opposite side.

R2-D2

Beep, meep, beep, whistle, meep, squeak, whistle, nee!

C-3PO

O, Gen’ral Solo, someone comes anon!

Han

[ seeing Luke:

] Luke! We have found thee! But thou lack’st one thing:I bid thee tell me: where is Leia? Eh?

Luke

She came not back?

Han

—I thought she was with thee.

Luke

And truly was. But lo, within the wood,
The battle was borne out with speed and fire,
Amid the blasts and cruel Imperi’l scouts
’Twas only muddledom that won the day.
We separated were, and there’s an end.
Anon! We must fly hence and search for her.
Good R2, come, thy scanners we shall need.

C-3PO

Fear not, good master, we know what to do!

[ To R2-D2:] And thou didst say ’twas pretty here. O pish!

[Exeunt Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Chewbacca,

C-3PO, and R2-D2.

EnterWICKET, an Ewok, approaching Princess Leia.

Wicket

A buki buki,
Luki, luki,
Issa creecher,
Nuki, nuki!

[Wicket jabs Princess Leia with his staff. She wakes up.

Leia

Desist at once, thou furry little imp!

Wicket

E danvay, danvay,
Staa awanvay,
Da livvy creecher!
Panvay, panvay!

Leia

I shall not hurt thee, little one. But O,
My body cries with soreness from my fall.
I wonder where Luke and the others are?

Wicket

Fangowa, gowa,
I nonowa.
Da creecher muvvee
Slowa, slowa.

Leia

It seemeth I am fix’d and grounded here,
Yet I am lost and know not what “here” means.
All that I have is this small creature, from
A species I have ne’er encounterèd.
Mayhap thou wilt assist me, little friend.
Sit down beside me, here, and let us talk.
I promise I’ll not hurt thee. Aye, approach.

Wicket

A dunga, dunga,
Wassee wunga?
Ino commee,
Junga junga.

Leia