Yo-Yo Boing!

— Ahem, but it comes with garlic bread and fries. Ahem. You are on a diet. Let me see if I have enough to cover it. Sorry. Ahem. You’ll have it next time. Or you’ll have to select between the steak or the piña colada.

— Piña colada, then.

— But you understand, we’ll have to share the piña colada.

— Hurry up, please, it’s time.

— Just a moment, please. We haven’t made up our minds. For the time being, please, ahem, bring the lady a piña colada.

— Just one?

— Yes, with two straws, and for me, ahem, a frosty glass of tap water with crushed ice, no cubes.

— You see, ahem, if you hadn’t ordered the piña colada we could have had two dishes. Now, ahem, I’m running short. Plus the tip. I need a better job. Eating out every night. Did I send out my student loan payments last week?

— I told you to.

— Or was it this week? Wait, I made a deposit last week, which means no problem, it’s due next week.

— Have you decided what you want?

— I’ll have a steak.

— Ahem, no, we’ll have fajitas instead. It’s the same beef, but we can share fajitas.

— Yes, fajitas, thank you.

— How about another drink?

— Just water, please, and the bill. How much do I leave for a tip. 15 % plus tax. Do you know if I paid the credit cards. Kika, we must stop eating out. You should learn how to cook. It would be so much healthier and we would save so much time and money.

— Para que me invitas a comer y me dejas con hambre, insatisfecha. No puedo escoger el plato que quiero del menú. Esta es la impotencia, la insatisfacción. Tú insatisfacción, tú duda. Mira lo que has hecho con mis cubiertos de plata. Yo te lo dije, no los uses. ¿Por qué no usas la plata que robaste de mi hermano? Esta plata es de mi abuela. Quiero tener recuerdos. Y motivos para ser respetada. Si no tengo plata, ya me respetan menos, y si no tengo hijos, menos y menos. Siempre hay que tener algo que ofrecer, para que te cuiden, o se acuerden de ti cuando estés vieja. Son delicados, hay que cuidarlos.

— I wanted to surprise you but you didn’t even notice.

— You promised me you wouldn’t use them again except for special occasions.

— A champagne dinner for two to celebrate the publication of the book by Yale. You didn’t even notice the silver then, when you were supposed to, you went ahead and called Mona, and just talked and devoured without tasting the meat. Did you even notice that I left the table?

— I’m sorry. Listen, I’m sorry. Don’t make me feel guilty.

— Did you notice how tender the fillet was?

— I’m sorry. But today I wake up, and breakfast is served on the table, you are not there, and I look at the bagel with cheese, and I see my silver fork tarnished. What? My silver used for bagels? You don’t respect my wishes. You do whatever you please. Whatever you damn well please.

— You said you weren’t hungry, then you wanted more.

— Cheese.

— Why didn’t you tell me. I could have cooked you rice and beans.

— Okay.

— Rice and beans?

— It was not rice. It was soup and beans.

— That’s what you get.

— I told you you should do it better next time. But I didn’t tell you to dump it out. I was hungry, and in a minute the rice and beans disappeared.

— I wanted it.

— You had it.

— I’m hungry.

— Tough luck.

— Why do you tantalize me, and leave me panging? Then for a little smack in the head, you fall down and play dead at my feet.

— It was supposed to be a coma.

— I don’t want to talk to you.

— My lungs were pumping and my heart was beating.